If you read my last post, you'll know that my main problem with slutty Halloween costumes is that they fail as costumes. (And if you haven't read the last one - what are you doing? Go read it!!)
I do, however, have a secondary motive for disliking most of the slutty costumes, and this one isn't as pure as my love of good cos-play. This one is motivated by good old fashioned greed.
If it were up to me, I would go back to the days where women wore floor-length dresses, and a glimpse of a well-turned ankle was enough to send your average man into fits of passion.
Lets face it, as a worker in the sex industry, the rarer it is for men to see some naked flesh in their daily lives, the more likely they are to come see me. It may be selfish, but heck, strippers aren't really known for their generosity!
This has been getting worse and worse lately - to the extent that about half of the slutty costumes I see are actually made by companies like Leg Avenue - which makes stockings and costumes for dancers. Most sex shops have Halloween sales so that women can come buy costumes from them, and even the costume companies that aren't based in the sex industry are mostly rip-offs of the costumes made for the sex industry.
At this point, Halloween in the entertainment district of a major city looks like a giant strip club. The women are wearing the same clothes (down to the brand name), drinking, flirting with strangers, and by the end of the night, usually getting closer to naked than they started (not far to go, in many cases).
All of which is hardly good news for strippers. After all, why would you pay to go to a dingy bar where the drinks are overpriced and the women will only get naked for $40, and have you thrown out if you so much as stroke a thigh, when you could go three doors down, and find cheaper drinks and looser women? The chance of your average guy going home with a stripper is about a thousand to one, but the chance of being able to take home a drunken "sexy nurse" is about 50/50.
It's as though it suddenly became socially acceptable to bring a keg out into the street, and start pouring everyone free beer. The bars would be mighty pissed off about it.
Thursday 25 October 2012
Halloween Sluts - Part One
I LOVE Halloween.
I love dressing up, I still love candy - as much as I really shouldn't eat it anymore....I love watching little kids in costume, I love martinis with radish-eyeballs, I love carving pumpkins, and I love costumes.
Well, I love most costumes. Of course, there is one costume that I cannot stand. The "slutty drunk girl on Halloween costume". *shudder
First off, I can absolutely understand the drive behind the slutty costumes. I was a stripper, for God's sake - of course I understand the joy of being overtly sexual, of having eyes on you, of feeling gorgeous and wanted and sexy. One of the great joys of dancing (and camming, to an extent) is that you get to feel like a sex-kitten every day. I understand that for most women, that isn't an option, and the chance to let the inner slut shine is one to be taken advantage of.
However.
The issue that I have with the "slut" costume is that it isn't actually a costume. It is an excuse to wear a tight, short dress, or booty shorts and a bra, or maybe just some carefully places triangles.
I love costumes. I have great respect for good costumes, and since I was a kid, I always fought to try and make the best, most original, most interesting costume. I even won a prize once, when I went as a lego brick (it was a box painted red, with circles on the front and arm holes. It was also awesome). I have tried to create costumes on my own, as part of groups, pairs and theme nights.
If it was up to me, I would wear costumes all the time, but sadly, I am limited to ComiCon and Halloween.
And THAT is why the slut-trend bothers me so much, because it puts emphasis on how slutty someone looks, rather than how good the costume is. It ruins Halloween as a cos-play holiday, and turns it into a slutty holiday. And that just leaves me with ComiCon, where I'm both limited in scope, and way out of my league.
To top it all off, there are plenty of costumes that can be accurate and carefully put together, but that are incredibly slutty. Start with any female comic book character ever - all drawn by men, for men, and most of them are as pornographic as the drawings in 60's Playboy. Add to that pretty much every female Sci-Fi character, about half of the TV and Movie characters, most cartoon characters, a good chunk of female sportspeople (ballerinas, cheerleaders...).....there is a range of costume-appropriate sluttiness so wide that no one should ever have a problem finding a way to show off their boobs while still wearing something that is an actual costume.
My issue is with the costumes that are basically just "sexy" in front of any word, ever. Sexy tweetie bird. Sexy prisoner. Sexy teddy bear. Sexy shoe. Sexy toothbrush. All of the above are lycra mini dresses with an accessory. And none of them are made up.
For the love of all things cos-play - this halloween, if you want to be a "sexy" something, just make sure that the something is actually sexy, ok?
Here is a little test for you to try and figure out if your costume is actually a costume, or an excuse to look like a tramp:
Imagine that someone is asking you what you are supposed to be.
If they have to ask, it's not a costume.
I love dressing up, I still love candy - as much as I really shouldn't eat it anymore....I love watching little kids in costume, I love martinis with radish-eyeballs, I love carving pumpkins, and I love costumes.
Well, I love most costumes. Of course, there is one costume that I cannot stand. The "slutty drunk girl on Halloween costume". *shudder
First off, I can absolutely understand the drive behind the slutty costumes. I was a stripper, for God's sake - of course I understand the joy of being overtly sexual, of having eyes on you, of feeling gorgeous and wanted and sexy. One of the great joys of dancing (and camming, to an extent) is that you get to feel like a sex-kitten every day. I understand that for most women, that isn't an option, and the chance to let the inner slut shine is one to be taken advantage of.
However.
The issue that I have with the "slut" costume is that it isn't actually a costume. It is an excuse to wear a tight, short dress, or booty shorts and a bra, or maybe just some carefully places triangles.
I love costumes. I have great respect for good costumes, and since I was a kid, I always fought to try and make the best, most original, most interesting costume. I even won a prize once, when I went as a lego brick (it was a box painted red, with circles on the front and arm holes. It was also awesome). I have tried to create costumes on my own, as part of groups, pairs and theme nights.
If it was up to me, I would wear costumes all the time, but sadly, I am limited to ComiCon and Halloween.
And THAT is why the slut-trend bothers me so much, because it puts emphasis on how slutty someone looks, rather than how good the costume is. It ruins Halloween as a cos-play holiday, and turns it into a slutty holiday. And that just leaves me with ComiCon, where I'm both limited in scope, and way out of my league.
To top it all off, there are plenty of costumes that can be accurate and carefully put together, but that are incredibly slutty. Start with any female comic book character ever - all drawn by men, for men, and most of them are as pornographic as the drawings in 60's Playboy. Add to that pretty much every female Sci-Fi character, about half of the TV and Movie characters, most cartoon characters, a good chunk of female sportspeople (ballerinas, cheerleaders...).....there is a range of costume-appropriate sluttiness so wide that no one should ever have a problem finding a way to show off their boobs while still wearing something that is an actual costume.
My issue is with the costumes that are basically just "sexy" in front of any word, ever. Sexy tweetie bird. Sexy prisoner. Sexy teddy bear. Sexy shoe. Sexy toothbrush. All of the above are lycra mini dresses with an accessory. And none of them are made up.
For the love of all things cos-play - this halloween, if you want to be a "sexy" something, just make sure that the something is actually sexy, ok?
Here is a little test for you to try and figure out if your costume is actually a costume, or an excuse to look like a tramp:
Imagine that someone is asking you what you are supposed to be.
If they have to ask, it's not a costume.
Tuesday 16 October 2012
Ruined for the Real World
Occasionally, I realize that I am nearing my 30s. It scares the living beejezus out of me, mostly because I always assumed that I would be a sorted, responsible adult by this point.
I had visions of myself at this point, having collected a husband, a home and a honda, and toiling at some sort of adult career. More to the point, the idea was that I would be capable of running a household, cooking wholesome meals, and generally getting shit done.
Well that didn't happen. Oops.
Now, I approach my 30s with the same dread that I used to approach the principle's office. Its the sinking feeling that I know that I have misbehaved and should feel bad and try to straighten up and fly right, but damned if throwing spitwads just isn't more fun.
I blame the sex industry.
I don't blame the sex industry for much, but I am sure that it is the reason that I fail quite so spectacularly at being a functional adult.
For the past decade, I have had no real responsibilities. I am not working towards any particular future, I don't have to worry about a professional reputation, largely because I don't have to worry about interviews, background checks, any of it. I've got perkies and a pulse, I'll get a job! I've had no need to plan or budget, no one to answer to if I sleep in, turn up late, or go home early. I can (and do) drink on the job, take unlimited smoke breaks, and have as many holidays as I want. I can also continue to pierce and tattoo my entire body. It actually helps me earn more.
Because of this, I have completely forgotten everything that I had started to learn as a lowly office worker in my early twenties. I know that at one point, I was capable of getting up early, hitting the gym, working a full eight hours, and picking up dinner ingredients on the way home. But I have NO IDEA how I did those things. I try, occasionally, to do it again, but by the time I have spent one whole day doing things, I feel like I need a break. Then I spend the next day on the couch, drinking wine straight from the bottle and watching entire seasons of Star Trek at a time.
Occasionally I meet, or socialize with people who decided to actually grow up, and are real adults. I look at them with the same expression my dog has when she sees me work the can opener.
On one hand, I could make a real effort to learn how to be an adult again. I could assume that at some point, I will have to get a vanilla job, stock up on suits and just glory in my current world of irresponsible semi-alcoholism.
Alternatively, I can assume that by the time I am ready to stop diddling myself for rent money, I will be a published writer. And then I can live out my days in the same way - sleeping till nine, drinking at noon, working sporadically and whenever inspiration strikes. I have to assume that there are others like me who never got the instruction manual on becoming Marge Simpson, and maybe we can get together for afternoon martinis and laugh at people who struggle to get six hours of sleep.
I'd rather be a Lost Girl than a Grown Woman.
"If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!”
I had visions of myself at this point, having collected a husband, a home and a honda, and toiling at some sort of adult career. More to the point, the idea was that I would be capable of running a household, cooking wholesome meals, and generally getting shit done.
Well that didn't happen. Oops.
Now, I approach my 30s with the same dread that I used to approach the principle's office. Its the sinking feeling that I know that I have misbehaved and should feel bad and try to straighten up and fly right, but damned if throwing spitwads just isn't more fun.
I blame the sex industry.
I don't blame the sex industry for much, but I am sure that it is the reason that I fail quite so spectacularly at being a functional adult.
For the past decade, I have had no real responsibilities. I am not working towards any particular future, I don't have to worry about a professional reputation, largely because I don't have to worry about interviews, background checks, any of it. I've got perkies and a pulse, I'll get a job! I've had no need to plan or budget, no one to answer to if I sleep in, turn up late, or go home early. I can (and do) drink on the job, take unlimited smoke breaks, and have as many holidays as I want. I can also continue to pierce and tattoo my entire body. It actually helps me earn more.
Because of this, I have completely forgotten everything that I had started to learn as a lowly office worker in my early twenties. I know that at one point, I was capable of getting up early, hitting the gym, working a full eight hours, and picking up dinner ingredients on the way home. But I have NO IDEA how I did those things. I try, occasionally, to do it again, but by the time I have spent one whole day doing things, I feel like I need a break. Then I spend the next day on the couch, drinking wine straight from the bottle and watching entire seasons of Star Trek at a time.
Occasionally I meet, or socialize with people who decided to actually grow up, and are real adults. I look at them with the same expression my dog has when she sees me work the can opener.
On one hand, I could make a real effort to learn how to be an adult again. I could assume that at some point, I will have to get a vanilla job, stock up on suits and just glory in my current world of irresponsible semi-alcoholism.
Alternatively, I can assume that by the time I am ready to stop diddling myself for rent money, I will be a published writer. And then I can live out my days in the same way - sleeping till nine, drinking at noon, working sporadically and whenever inspiration strikes. I have to assume that there are others like me who never got the instruction manual on becoming Marge Simpson, and maybe we can get together for afternoon martinis and laugh at people who struggle to get six hours of sleep.
I'd rather be a Lost Girl than a Grown Woman.
"If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!”
Wednesday 10 October 2012
Bad Sex Positions; Starfish/Hammerhead
The Starfish.
We all know it. Some of us have done it, some have had it done to us.
Even me. Sad to say, but once upon a time, I found myself in a situation where I really wanted to have sex with someone, but by the time we actually got around to it, I was, well.....bored. First, we were going to go for a drink. Then we realized that despite being legal in the UK (where I was living and where we met) I wasn't legal in the state I was visiting, so nuts to that. Then we were going to get a bottle and take it back to his, but realized that the liquor store was closed. We got back to his place, but then he was uncomfortable because he didn't know when his roommate was coming home, so I sat through an awkward ten-minute conversation while he called said roommate and told him to stay out for a while. After all that, sex was a foregone conclusion, but an hour of logistics had pretty much killed the moment, cut it up into pieces, stuck them in garbage bags and thrown them in the river. I didn't have the heart to just walk out, but I also couldn't muster the enthusiasm to put in any real effort.
Enter, the starfish. Get naked (or not, it's really just about the vital bits for this one), lie on your back, and think of England. Or your shopping list. Or whether or not you think you might be able to reach a nailfile, because that damn index finger got caught and has been bugging you all day. And then....wait. Just wait for it to be done, and hope that it's better next time.
For the record, there was no next time. Thank God.
But the Starfish has a terrible counterpart in the world of aquatic sex positions - the Hammerhead.
Guys - I know that you think that stamina is a vital part of good sex, but it really isn't. Trust me, there is very little worse than having someone frantically pound away like they are attempting to sand down your vagina while staring REALLY hard at the headboard for an hour. With the possible exception of hammering away like they are attempting to sand down your vagina while staring REALLY hard at the photo of an ex they taped to the headboard.
Both positions are, essentially, the same thing. Minimal interaction or response to the other person. Really, you get get the same effect by masturbating, and even then, only the laziest hitachi moments compare to the Starfish. Sex is one of the few arenas where you actually DO get points for participation - so put in some freaking effort!!
Ladies, for the love of all things dirty, either turn it down or get involved. Really, just walking out will probably be more satisfying than starfish sex - for both of you. Drinking and bitching about the one who walked out is just as valid as drinking and bitching about the one who checked out. And you'll look better for it - while I don't actually believe that people can be "bad in bed", just "bored in bed", you don't want to carry the starfish label. You don't.
Gentlemen, it's really ok if you don't last the entire night. In fact, it's actually kinda flattering if you just can't hold back. (Just make sure that you both get there in the end, ok? God gave you fingers and a tongue for a reason.) Just try and pay attention to the gal who is under you - maybe flip her on top of you, if that helps. There is plenty of time to think about fat chicks/your grandmother/baseball when you aren't getting any. And if you are a Hammerhead, there will be plenty of times when you aren't getting any.
Next time on Bad Sex Positions: The Porn Star
We all know it. Some of us have done it, some have had it done to us.
Even me. Sad to say, but once upon a time, I found myself in a situation where I really wanted to have sex with someone, but by the time we actually got around to it, I was, well.....bored. First, we were going to go for a drink. Then we realized that despite being legal in the UK (where I was living and where we met) I wasn't legal in the state I was visiting, so nuts to that. Then we were going to get a bottle and take it back to his, but realized that the liquor store was closed. We got back to his place, but then he was uncomfortable because he didn't know when his roommate was coming home, so I sat through an awkward ten-minute conversation while he called said roommate and told him to stay out for a while. After all that, sex was a foregone conclusion, but an hour of logistics had pretty much killed the moment, cut it up into pieces, stuck them in garbage bags and thrown them in the river. I didn't have the heart to just walk out, but I also couldn't muster the enthusiasm to put in any real effort.
Enter, the starfish. Get naked (or not, it's really just about the vital bits for this one), lie on your back, and think of England. Or your shopping list. Or whether or not you think you might be able to reach a nailfile, because that damn index finger got caught and has been bugging you all day. And then....wait. Just wait for it to be done, and hope that it's better next time.
For the record, there was no next time. Thank God.
But the Starfish has a terrible counterpart in the world of aquatic sex positions - the Hammerhead.
Guys - I know that you think that stamina is a vital part of good sex, but it really isn't. Trust me, there is very little worse than having someone frantically pound away like they are attempting to sand down your vagina while staring REALLY hard at the headboard for an hour. With the possible exception of hammering away like they are attempting to sand down your vagina while staring REALLY hard at the photo of an ex they taped to the headboard.
Both positions are, essentially, the same thing. Minimal interaction or response to the other person. Really, you get get the same effect by masturbating, and even then, only the laziest hitachi moments compare to the Starfish. Sex is one of the few arenas where you actually DO get points for participation - so put in some freaking effort!!
Ladies, for the love of all things dirty, either turn it down or get involved. Really, just walking out will probably be more satisfying than starfish sex - for both of you. Drinking and bitching about the one who walked out is just as valid as drinking and bitching about the one who checked out. And you'll look better for it - while I don't actually believe that people can be "bad in bed", just "bored in bed", you don't want to carry the starfish label. You don't.
Gentlemen, it's really ok if you don't last the entire night. In fact, it's actually kinda flattering if you just can't hold back. (Just make sure that you both get there in the end, ok? God gave you fingers and a tongue for a reason.) Just try and pay attention to the gal who is under you - maybe flip her on top of you, if that helps. There is plenty of time to think about fat chicks/your grandmother/baseball when you aren't getting any. And if you are a Hammerhead, there will be plenty of times when you aren't getting any.
Next time on Bad Sex Positions: The Porn Star
Monday 8 October 2012
The Ultimate Question!
Does Size Matter?
There have been so many more interesting, more important, more thoughtful questions asked, but this one seems to be the big one (pun intended)! So many guys ask me - on cam I get asked about size at least 20 times a day. Sometimes it is asked outright, sometimes it is hinted at and danced around - do you prefer big dicks? Whats the smallest dick you've fucked? Whats the biggest? Sometimes things get very anatomical - how many inches? How many in diameter? If it's thick, does it have to be long (and vice versa)? Is six inches ok? Is 5? What about 8? As though there is an exact figure that will guarantee orgasms at twenty paces...
So why is it that size matters so much to the people doing the asking? Guys with small dicks trying to convince themselves that it doesn't, guys with big dicks trying to guarantee their studliness, guys with little dicks who want to have them made fun of, guys with big dicks trying to prove they are getting women off with skill and not just hardware...Size is, apparently, huge.
So here is the answer - but you aren't going to like it. Maybe you would if the post was just a little bigger...
Size does matter. It also doesn't.
The thing is, I've had a lot of sex, with a lot of different dicks. I've had dicks so small they were like a bad punchline, and dicks so big that they felt just like an actual punch to the ladybits. And the size was never the determining factor in how much my mind was blown. Not once.
I've had phenomenal sex with guys who are smaller than average - eyes rolling back and head popping off sex (makes me kinda wet just thinking about it). I've had some of the most godwaful, boring, and even painful sex with guys who were hung like the proverbial horse. What made the difference was a whole lot of things - foreplay, level of attraction, passion, drunkenness...
Yet I'm still a size queen. I love a nice, big, cock. Who doesn't? If you still want facts and figures, ideally you are looking at 8-9", proportionately thick, straight, and generally pretty. For the record, this is the only part of a man's body where tattoos do NOT turn me on. And yes, I've seen those.
But I also love a guy who knows what he is doing, who cares about whether or not I am having fun. I want guys that feel connected when we fuck - eye contact, non-sexual touching, kissing, hair pulling...reacting to what I am doing. You could have the world's prettiest cock, but if you are just masturbating into me, the best thing about sex with you will be the cigarette.
There have been so many more interesting, more important, more thoughtful questions asked, but this one seems to be the big one (pun intended)! So many guys ask me - on cam I get asked about size at least 20 times a day. Sometimes it is asked outright, sometimes it is hinted at and danced around - do you prefer big dicks? Whats the smallest dick you've fucked? Whats the biggest? Sometimes things get very anatomical - how many inches? How many in diameter? If it's thick, does it have to be long (and vice versa)? Is six inches ok? Is 5? What about 8? As though there is an exact figure that will guarantee orgasms at twenty paces...
So why is it that size matters so much to the people doing the asking? Guys with small dicks trying to convince themselves that it doesn't, guys with big dicks trying to guarantee their studliness, guys with little dicks who want to have them made fun of, guys with big dicks trying to prove they are getting women off with skill and not just hardware...Size is, apparently, huge.
So here is the answer - but you aren't going to like it. Maybe you would if the post was just a little bigger...
Size does matter. It also doesn't.
The thing is, I've had a lot of sex, with a lot of different dicks. I've had dicks so small they were like a bad punchline, and dicks so big that they felt just like an actual punch to the ladybits. And the size was never the determining factor in how much my mind was blown. Not once.
I've had phenomenal sex with guys who are smaller than average - eyes rolling back and head popping off sex (makes me kinda wet just thinking about it). I've had some of the most godwaful, boring, and even painful sex with guys who were hung like the proverbial horse. What made the difference was a whole lot of things - foreplay, level of attraction, passion, drunkenness...
Yet I'm still a size queen. I love a nice, big, cock. Who doesn't? If you still want facts and figures, ideally you are looking at 8-9", proportionately thick, straight, and generally pretty. For the record, this is the only part of a man's body where tattoos do NOT turn me on. And yes, I've seen those.
But I also love a guy who knows what he is doing, who cares about whether or not I am having fun. I want guys that feel connected when we fuck - eye contact, non-sexual touching, kissing, hair pulling...reacting to what I am doing. You could have the world's prettiest cock, but if you are just masturbating into me, the best thing about sex with you will be the cigarette.
Monday 1 October 2012
Twitter Questions!
@DeniedBoy asked:
"1. By natural, are you dom, sub or switch?
2. Do you like ballbusting?
3. Do you think about opening a clip store?"
1. I'm a switch! Although on cam, I only dom - too many online guys try to dom without any respect for the sub, push boundaries, and generally act like asshats! So when I am on cam, I do vanilla shows, fetish shows and dom shows.
2. My favorite ways to dom are SPH (I LOVE this - it honestly makes my day every time someone requests it!), cuckolding, sissy girls, fin dom (especially blackmail) & forced bi. I much prefer humiliation rather than physical pain. That said, if you really deserve it, I will go to town on you!
3. I have a clip store!! This is the link: SeeMooreScarlett (if you have links disabled, it is www.clips4sale.com/50591). I also do custom clips - just e-mail me with your request!
If you have any burning questions for me, you can tweet, e-mail, fb, or even come into my live show and ask in person!! I will answers questions on my blog as often as I get ones that are worth answering...("Will you come fuck me" is NOT worth answering. Just saying)
"1. By natural, are you dom, sub or switch?
2. Do you like ballbusting?
3. Do you think about opening a clip store?"
1. I'm a switch! Although on cam, I only dom - too many online guys try to dom without any respect for the sub, push boundaries, and generally act like asshats! So when I am on cam, I do vanilla shows, fetish shows and dom shows.
2. My favorite ways to dom are SPH (I LOVE this - it honestly makes my day every time someone requests it!), cuckolding, sissy girls, fin dom (especially blackmail) & forced bi. I much prefer humiliation rather than physical pain. That said, if you really deserve it, I will go to town on you!
3. I have a clip store!! This is the link: SeeMooreScarlett (if you have links disabled, it is www.clips4sale.com/50591). I also do custom clips - just e-mail me with your request!
If you have any burning questions for me, you can tweet, e-mail, fb, or even come into my live show and ask in person!! I will answers questions on my blog as often as I get ones that are worth answering...("Will you come fuck me" is NOT worth answering. Just saying)
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