Wednesday 30 January 2013
Tuesday 29 January 2013
The Internet Has Funny Stuff
Good Morning!
I have been debating turning this into a tumblr, because it seems like the go-to place for random blog stuff. It's also chock-full of really, really funny stuff, like this:
Daily Odd Compliment
Read. Smile. Send to friends, and make them very confused. But usually a happy kind of confused. Think of it like when you go out of the back door, but come back in the front door, and your dog sees it. They may not understand what the hell just happened, but they'll be glad you exist.
I have been debating turning this into a tumblr, because it seems like the go-to place for random blog stuff. It's also chock-full of really, really funny stuff, like this:
Daily Odd Compliment
Read. Smile. Send to friends, and make them very confused. But usually a happy kind of confused. Think of it like when you go out of the back door, but come back in the front door, and your dog sees it. They may not understand what the hell just happened, but they'll be glad you exist.
Monday 28 January 2013
Monday Morning Rant: AddicTIVE
For the love of God. The word is "addictIVE".
"AddictING" is not a word.
Yes, the English language is a beautiful flowing river of change. I like that, I really do. The creation of new words is a wonderful thing. I celebrate the fact that "Trekkie" is actually a word in the dictionary (and technically, the only term for a fan that is. Win.).
But really? Addicting? It's not a new word. It's not the invention of something that was required, because there was no comparable word. There is.
Addicting exists simply because there is a large enough population that just don't know the correct form of the verb "addict".
Mass stupidity has started shaping our language, and I am not ok with that. Keep going down that road, and soon, words will be spelled phonetically, grammar will be all but lost, all those great little quirks of the English language will disappear....
I'd rather not get to a point where The Hobbit reads like Shakespeare, Shakespeare reads like Latin, and the latest addition to the shelves of Chapters is written entirely in tweet-speak.
Come on, people. Stop.
Wait - the people who are incorrectly using it will probably find this blog indecipherable. Crap.
hai gurl! OMG da wurd is additIVE kay? U mus be stoopid not 2 no - mak me LULZ when u say dat!
"AddictING" is not a word.
Yes, the English language is a beautiful flowing river of change. I like that, I really do. The creation of new words is a wonderful thing. I celebrate the fact that "Trekkie" is actually a word in the dictionary (and technically, the only term for a fan that is. Win.).
But really? Addicting? It's not a new word. It's not the invention of something that was required, because there was no comparable word. There is.
Addicting exists simply because there is a large enough population that just don't know the correct form of the verb "addict".
Mass stupidity has started shaping our language, and I am not ok with that. Keep going down that road, and soon, words will be spelled phonetically, grammar will be all but lost, all those great little quirks of the English language will disappear....
I'd rather not get to a point where The Hobbit reads like Shakespeare, Shakespeare reads like Latin, and the latest addition to the shelves of Chapters is written entirely in tweet-speak.
Come on, people. Stop.
Wait - the people who are incorrectly using it will probably find this blog indecipherable. Crap.
hai gurl! OMG da wurd is additIVE kay? U mus be stoopid not 2 no - mak me LULZ when u say dat!
Thursday 24 January 2013
The Real Life of a Naked Nerd
It has come to my attention that people are idiots.
Well, ok, I already knew that. I bet you knew that too! (High five!)
But I am talking about a very specific kind of idiocy, where you can tell a person something over and over and over again, yet they will continue to believe whatever they thought in the first place.
One of the things that seems to be most often ingrained in people's psyches, and that drives me absolutely insane, is the stereotype of who a stripper/porn star/escort/cam girl "really is". The image of the slutty, scantily-clad, menthol-smoking, coke-snorting, money-wasting, label-hogging, attention-seeking, anorexic hoochie with a boyfriend in jail. You know the one!
It's not the only one, of course. There is also the desperate crack whore being pimped out by some nasty dude with a gun and a mustache. And, on the only slightly less depressing end of the spectrum, we have the poor girl working her way through school, scrubbing the shame off every night when she gets home, or the single mother just trying to scrape together enough money for her kids snack-pack because she's dumber than a box of rocks and couldn't possibly do any other job.
Sigh.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that these women exist. In fact, I have definitely met a couple stereotypes along the way. Except...they are few and far between. The eastern european with a quasi-pimp for a boyfriend and way too much plastic surgery - well, she accounts for maybe 2% of the women that I have met.
So why is it that these stereotypes are so prevalent? What is it about them that sticks?
I think that it has something to do with visibility. You see, in the club, every girl is going to play up the party-girl part of herself, because, well, that's what the customer wants! On cam, we DO want attention, because attention = money. And some girls will play the pity card - pulling out pictures of kids or stories of med school to try and get more cash for less work. All power to them.
Then, when the clubs close, when we log out....we disappear. The women that actually fit the stereotypes are still visible - getting drunk at a different club, strutting into the tanning salon in six-inch stilettos, and often broadcasting their career choice. People see these women, and think "ah yes, there goes a stripper. You can always tell". A stereotype is born.
Of course, the vast majority of dancers and porn stars DON'T do these things, but are all but invisible because of it. No one looks at a woman doing her grocery shopping in jeans and a t-shirt and thinks "look at that, total porn queen". No one pays attention to all the adult industry workers who just go about their business quietly. Why would they?
It's a horrible, vicious cycle. Women in the industry who aren't binge-drinking, responsibility-phobic party girls don't broadcast the fact that they are sex workers, because they don't want people to assume that they fit the stereotype, and judge them for it. So no one knows that they are sex workers. All the general public sees are those women who DO broadcast their stripper-status, because they enjoy living up to the name. Round and round we go again.
This is me, trying to break that cycle.
This is me, about to open up my actual, real life to the internet, so that you can see that being a sex worker, and being a happy, "normal" person are not mutually exclusive. I can try and SAY it all I want, but the force of judgement is strong with this one, and talking till I am blue in the face will do less good than actually showing you that my life is pretty freaking awesome. People have a wonderful way of rationalizing their bigotry - assuming that the girl who is saying "I don't party that hard" just has a really warped view of what "that hard" actually is, or that the girl who claims she can do another job is just deluding herself, or batting self-esteem issues.
So from next week - rationalize this! I'll be posting some pictures, but mostly just talking about my crazy glamorous life in the sex industry - chock full of home cooked meals, board games, dog walks, brunches.....and all kinds of other insane shenanigans.
Hold on to your hats! (Or, y'know, pop them in the hall closet and let me make you a cup of tea.)
Well, ok, I already knew that. I bet you knew that too! (High five!)
But I am talking about a very specific kind of idiocy, where you can tell a person something over and over and over again, yet they will continue to believe whatever they thought in the first place.
One of the things that seems to be most often ingrained in people's psyches, and that drives me absolutely insane, is the stereotype of who a stripper/porn star/escort/cam girl "really is". The image of the slutty, scantily-clad, menthol-smoking, coke-snorting, money-wasting, label-hogging, attention-seeking, anorexic hoochie with a boyfriend in jail. You know the one!
It's not the only one, of course. There is also the desperate crack whore being pimped out by some nasty dude with a gun and a mustache. And, on the only slightly less depressing end of the spectrum, we have the poor girl working her way through school, scrubbing the shame off every night when she gets home, or the single mother just trying to scrape together enough money for her kids snack-pack because she's dumber than a box of rocks and couldn't possibly do any other job.
Sigh.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that these women exist. In fact, I have definitely met a couple stereotypes along the way. Except...they are few and far between. The eastern european with a quasi-pimp for a boyfriend and way too much plastic surgery - well, she accounts for maybe 2% of the women that I have met.
So why is it that these stereotypes are so prevalent? What is it about them that sticks?
I think that it has something to do with visibility. You see, in the club, every girl is going to play up the party-girl part of herself, because, well, that's what the customer wants! On cam, we DO want attention, because attention = money. And some girls will play the pity card - pulling out pictures of kids or stories of med school to try and get more cash for less work. All power to them.
Then, when the clubs close, when we log out....we disappear. The women that actually fit the stereotypes are still visible - getting drunk at a different club, strutting into the tanning salon in six-inch stilettos, and often broadcasting their career choice. People see these women, and think "ah yes, there goes a stripper. You can always tell". A stereotype is born.
Of course, the vast majority of dancers and porn stars DON'T do these things, but are all but invisible because of it. No one looks at a woman doing her grocery shopping in jeans and a t-shirt and thinks "look at that, total porn queen". No one pays attention to all the adult industry workers who just go about their business quietly. Why would they?
It's a horrible, vicious cycle. Women in the industry who aren't binge-drinking, responsibility-phobic party girls don't broadcast the fact that they are sex workers, because they don't want people to assume that they fit the stereotype, and judge them for it. So no one knows that they are sex workers. All the general public sees are those women who DO broadcast their stripper-status, because they enjoy living up to the name. Round and round we go again.
This is me, trying to break that cycle.
This is me, about to open up my actual, real life to the internet, so that you can see that being a sex worker, and being a happy, "normal" person are not mutually exclusive. I can try and SAY it all I want, but the force of judgement is strong with this one, and talking till I am blue in the face will do less good than actually showing you that my life is pretty freaking awesome. People have a wonderful way of rationalizing their bigotry - assuming that the girl who is saying "I don't party that hard" just has a really warped view of what "that hard" actually is, or that the girl who claims she can do another job is just deluding herself, or batting self-esteem issues.
So from next week - rationalize this! I'll be posting some pictures, but mostly just talking about my crazy glamorous life in the sex industry - chock full of home cooked meals, board games, dog walks, brunches.....and all kinds of other insane shenanigans.
Hold on to your hats! (Or, y'know, pop them in the hall closet and let me make you a cup of tea.)
Wednesday 23 January 2013
Wednesday World Review - Or Not
Frankly, when I was coming up with daily themes and topics, I was having a hard time with this one. The general idea is that Wednesdays will give me a space to review random movies, books, etc - and I can lump my "dirty disney" stuff in here, too. (It's movie-related, right?)
However, I have a dirty little secret to share with you.
Sometimes, I just don't have a lot to say.
I know, it seems mind-boggling, because I usually have SO MUCH to say that I can't fit it all in one post, or continue to tweet/facebook/write other articles elsewhere because I just can't stop talking.
No-one who has ever dropped in on my live show would, for even one teeny second, think that I am in any way quiet, reserved, or have nothing to say. The word "crazy" gets thrown around a lot, as does "tigger". Luckily, most people seem more charmed than scared by my ability to ramble about anything for hours on end. Thank christ for that - if people just found it annoying, I'd have to get a job where I start before twelve and wear pants. *shudder.
And yet, today is one of those days where I just don't have anything to review, really.
But Never Fear! I shall not leave you with nothing. Instead, I shall leave you with a link and a borrow (like the bloggers version of a wink and a nudge, in a lot of ways!) from one of my favorite bloggers. It seemed appropriate to blog about having nothing to say by linking to another blog about bloggers not always being able to say stuff.
Obviously.
So here it is. Enjoy. http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things
However, I have a dirty little secret to share with you.
Sometimes, I just don't have a lot to say.
I know, it seems mind-boggling, because I usually have SO MUCH to say that I can't fit it all in one post, or continue to tweet/facebook/write other articles elsewhere because I just can't stop talking.
No-one who has ever dropped in on my live show would, for even one teeny second, think that I am in any way quiet, reserved, or have nothing to say. The word "crazy" gets thrown around a lot, as does "tigger". Luckily, most people seem more charmed than scared by my ability to ramble about anything for hours on end. Thank christ for that - if people just found it annoying, I'd have to get a job where I start before twelve and wear pants. *shudder.
And yet, today is one of those days where I just don't have anything to review, really.
But Never Fear! I shall not leave you with nothing. Instead, I shall leave you with a link and a borrow (like the bloggers version of a wink and a nudge, in a lot of ways!) from one of my favorite bloggers. It seemed appropriate to blog about having nothing to say by linking to another blog about bloggers not always being able to say stuff.
Obviously.
So here it is. Enjoy. http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things
Tuesday 22 January 2013
The Internet Has Funny Stuff
It's no longer Monday, so it's time to put away my angry rant-face, and inject a little silly positivity into your day.
Therefore, may I proudly present......Funny stuff from the internet!
Basically, I'm going to spend my Tuesday mornings finding some meme/comic/something that makes me smile, and post it. Because smiling is good for you.
Also because writing is really time-consuming, and kinda hard, even when you love it as much as I do, so I'm going to give myself a little break for a day, while still giving you something so you don't think I am abandoning you. Just in case you are actually a really intelligent labradoodle, and any absence will make you fear that I am never coming back. Woof.
This made me laugh FAR more than it should - because apparently I spend too much time on the interweb, and memes made out of other memes have now become a source of amusement. After I laugh at this again, I think I may have to remind myself that there exists a world outside my screen. Maybe.
Therefore, may I proudly present......Funny stuff from the internet!
Basically, I'm going to spend my Tuesday mornings finding some meme/comic/something that makes me smile, and post it. Because smiling is good for you.
Also because writing is really time-consuming, and kinda hard, even when you love it as much as I do, so I'm going to give myself a little break for a day, while still giving you something so you don't think I am abandoning you. Just in case you are actually a really intelligent labradoodle, and any absence will make you fear that I am never coming back. Woof.
This made me laugh FAR more than it should - because apparently I spend too much time on the interweb, and memes made out of other memes have now become a source of amusement. After I laugh at this again, I think I may have to remind myself that there exists a world outside my screen. Maybe.
Monday 21 January 2013
Monday Morning Rant: Gamer Girl Haters
This morning, I honestly couldn't think of what, exactly, I was going to rant about. Nothing seemed to be firing me up. So I did the only thing I could do that was guaranteed to make me angry about something really, really quickly.
I went on facebook.
Within minutes, not only did I have the topic for this Monday, but I realized that this is such a HUGE topic that I am going to need to break it down into hundreds (probably) of sub-topics, so that I can actually say even a teeny, tiny fraction of what I want to.
I refer, of course, to Nerd-Girl haters.
You know, the people that get really, really angry about pretty girls (although anything with boobs is at risk here) who dare to take on the title of "nerd". Sometimes they will claim to be a nerd even though they don't know ANYTHING about <insert whatever you personally geek out over here>. The nerve of those girls!
I myself routinely have to defend my self-appointed moniker of the Naked Nerd, because I don't actually know everything about every aspect of nerd culture in the entire world. Mostly just LoTR, Star Trek, Buffy, Star Wars, Harry Potter (YES IT COUNTS) and a general working knowledge of the major comic book universes.
And there will come a day where I use this blog to defend just that....but it is not this day.
Nope, today is the day that I take on the topic of "Gamer Girls".
I'm going to start by admitting that the memes like these are actually pretty funny. After all, every now and then I should remind you that I DO have a functional sense of humor. I swear.
But the basic premise of these memes is inherently flawed. They assume that being a gamer girl and a slut with a controller are mutually exclusive.
Huh? I'm not sure how that happened - how "serious gamers" came to the conclusion that you cannot enjoy games, play games, be serious about games...and also be kinda slutty about it. Because, y'know, makeup makes it physically more difficult to use a controller. It is incredibly difficult to sit on a couch wearing stockings and heels.
I know plenty of women who are deeply, passionately into gaming. In fact, there are entire forum threads on sex-work forums for girls to share handles so that they can play together in between shows. These are not women who are attempting to seem "nerd sexy" for customers - these are women on women-only, invite-only forums who really, really want to play with people who will not judge them for wearing mascara while they do it.
In fact, there are camsites entirely devoted to naked gaming. Check out xxxgamergirls.com if you don't believe me. These are not sites where women think that it will be easier to make money than on any other camsite, because, well, it ISN'T. These are sites where women honestly think "hey, I can get paid to game in my panties. Fuck yeah!". Isn't that every guy's dream? Well boys, you do not have the monopoly on that one.
I'm not even going to begin discussing the camgirl obsession with Second Life.
Essentially, there are a lot of women who do, actually dress like that while they game. Some are doing it because they are dressed up to cam, and game between shows, or after they are done for the day. When I was stripping in the UK, my best friend and I would end a bad night by lazing around in our makeup and jewelry, getting drunk on champagne and dicking around on Grand Theft Auto. Hate to break it to you, but after I am done, I don't immediately scrub off my makeup and throw on sweatpants. Usually I wander around the house in my cam outfit doing whatever I need to do. Sorry for not spending 20mins in the bathroom slutting-down so that I can avoid challenging your stereotype of how a woman should look when she is hanging out at the keyboard.
I feel the need to comment on my own personal slut-with-a-controller status. I no longer game. The reason for this is that I have no off switch when it comes to gaming. I am absolutely incapable of just playing "for a little bit". Leveling up is like crack to me, and I am one of those people who will create a character, and then emerge three weeks later with a wild-man-of-the-woods look. Add to that the fact that I am self-employed, and actually not answerable to anyone about how I spend my days, if I allowed myself to get back into online gaming, I would go to a very, very scary place.
However, even if I did allow myself to re-visit that particular addiction, you can bet your ass that I wouldn't be posting photos online of me at the end of a marathon, red-eyed and twitchy with leftover snack food in my hair. Funnily enough, I post photos of myself that are designed to make me look GOOD.
Which brings me neatly to the second issue with the "this is not a gamer girl" photos. They are POSED PHOTOS. People, please - do you really think that we actually lounge around our homes in the way that we do in photosets? Again, hate to be destroying any illusions here, but when I bake (and I do! I'm a catch that way) I don't usually look over my shoulder and wink while I am pulling the cookies out of the oven. I don't dangle cherries over my mouth when I eat them, give bedroom eyes over the top of my banana, or squirt frosting on my boobs when I am decorating cupcakes. No woman, ever, has been cleaning her car alone and squeezed the sponge so that soapy water runs down her front.
Does that mean that because I post photos of myself doing those things, that I am somehow lying? That I am "faking it"? That I am trying to "pretend" to be someone who bakes, or eats, or washes her car, when really, I am just a slut with a sponge?
Nope. I post sexy photos, because it's mah job. And I use props, because, well, I would get really, really bored otherwise. And most of the time, I try to use props that have something to do with my actual life and interests, because I would like my photos to somehow reflect who I actually am.
Which is why all those "sluts with controllers" are actually probably REAL gamers - women who do not game, ever, generally don't have game systems and controllers just lying around the house, funnily enough.
Oh, the irony.
I went on facebook.
Within minutes, not only did I have the topic for this Monday, but I realized that this is such a HUGE topic that I am going to need to break it down into hundreds (probably) of sub-topics, so that I can actually say even a teeny, tiny fraction of what I want to.
I refer, of course, to Nerd-Girl haters.
You know, the people that get really, really angry about pretty girls (although anything with boobs is at risk here) who dare to take on the title of "nerd". Sometimes they will claim to be a nerd even though they don't know ANYTHING about <insert whatever you personally geek out over here>. The nerve of those girls!
I myself routinely have to defend my self-appointed moniker of the Naked Nerd, because I don't actually know everything about every aspect of nerd culture in the entire world. Mostly just LoTR, Star Trek, Buffy, Star Wars, Harry Potter (YES IT COUNTS) and a general working knowledge of the major comic book universes.
And there will come a day where I use this blog to defend just that....but it is not this day.
Nope, today is the day that I take on the topic of "Gamer Girls".
I'm going to start by admitting that the memes like these are actually pretty funny. After all, every now and then I should remind you that I DO have a functional sense of humor. I swear.
But the basic premise of these memes is inherently flawed. They assume that being a gamer girl and a slut with a controller are mutually exclusive.
Huh? I'm not sure how that happened - how "serious gamers" came to the conclusion that you cannot enjoy games, play games, be serious about games...and also be kinda slutty about it. Because, y'know, makeup makes it physically more difficult to use a controller. It is incredibly difficult to sit on a couch wearing stockings and heels.
I know plenty of women who are deeply, passionately into gaming. In fact, there are entire forum threads on sex-work forums for girls to share handles so that they can play together in between shows. These are not women who are attempting to seem "nerd sexy" for customers - these are women on women-only, invite-only forums who really, really want to play with people who will not judge them for wearing mascara while they do it.
In fact, there are camsites entirely devoted to naked gaming. Check out xxxgamergirls.com if you don't believe me. These are not sites where women think that it will be easier to make money than on any other camsite, because, well, it ISN'T. These are sites where women honestly think "hey, I can get paid to game in my panties. Fuck yeah!". Isn't that every guy's dream? Well boys, you do not have the monopoly on that one.
I'm not even going to begin discussing the camgirl obsession with Second Life.
Essentially, there are a lot of women who do, actually dress like that while they game. Some are doing it because they are dressed up to cam, and game between shows, or after they are done for the day. When I was stripping in the UK, my best friend and I would end a bad night by lazing around in our makeup and jewelry, getting drunk on champagne and dicking around on Grand Theft Auto. Hate to break it to you, but after I am done, I don't immediately scrub off my makeup and throw on sweatpants. Usually I wander around the house in my cam outfit doing whatever I need to do. Sorry for not spending 20mins in the bathroom slutting-down so that I can avoid challenging your stereotype of how a woman should look when she is hanging out at the keyboard.
I feel the need to comment on my own personal slut-with-a-controller status. I no longer game. The reason for this is that I have no off switch when it comes to gaming. I am absolutely incapable of just playing "for a little bit". Leveling up is like crack to me, and I am one of those people who will create a character, and then emerge three weeks later with a wild-man-of-the-woods look. Add to that the fact that I am self-employed, and actually not answerable to anyone about how I spend my days, if I allowed myself to get back into online gaming, I would go to a very, very scary place.
However, even if I did allow myself to re-visit that particular addiction, you can bet your ass that I wouldn't be posting photos online of me at the end of a marathon, red-eyed and twitchy with leftover snack food in my hair. Funnily enough, I post photos of myself that are designed to make me look GOOD.
Which brings me neatly to the second issue with the "this is not a gamer girl" photos. They are POSED PHOTOS. People, please - do you really think that we actually lounge around our homes in the way that we do in photosets? Again, hate to be destroying any illusions here, but when I bake (and I do! I'm a catch that way) I don't usually look over my shoulder and wink while I am pulling the cookies out of the oven. I don't dangle cherries over my mouth when I eat them, give bedroom eyes over the top of my banana, or squirt frosting on my boobs when I am decorating cupcakes. No woman, ever, has been cleaning her car alone and squeezed the sponge so that soapy water runs down her front.
Does that mean that because I post photos of myself doing those things, that I am somehow lying? That I am "faking it"? That I am trying to "pretend" to be someone who bakes, or eats, or washes her car, when really, I am just a slut with a sponge?
Nope. I post sexy photos, because it's mah job. And I use props, because, well, I would get really, really bored otherwise. And most of the time, I try to use props that have something to do with my actual life and interests, because I would like my photos to somehow reflect who I actually am.
Which is why all those "sluts with controllers" are actually probably REAL gamers - women who do not game, ever, generally don't have game systems and controllers just lying around the house, funnily enough.
Oh, the irony.
Saturday 19 January 2013
Reaction Time: Protest the Paramount
When I was in high school, I tended to rock the boat a little bit. I had art projects censored because of their sexual nature (in my defense, my two year art project was an exploration of sex, for Christ's sake!). I caused a furor when I used a collage of actual porn as part of a sculpture. I may, possibly, have gone to a strip club on a school outing to go see a play, and spent the first night of a drama festival getting drunk on a Turkish rooftop. I swear that the vodka on the Russian trip was something between medicinal and a cultural experience. I will also stand firmly by my social studies debate subject arguing for not just the acceptability, but the necessity of sex before marriage. Although I do apologize to a couple of Christian parents whose children found my arguments a little too persuasive.
At the time, I firmly believed that I was "the future" - part of a vanguard of sexually progressive and socially permissive teenagers who would eventually become the norm, and beat out (or maybe beat off..) the repressed and brainwashed masses. Ten years later, I'm pretty sure I was just horny, and couldn't figure out why that was such a terrible thing. To be honest, I'm STILL just horny, and I STILL can't figure out why that is such a terrible thing.
Apparently, I should ask the students of a high school in Coquitlam, BC. As part of a "social justice" class, a small group of teenagers are attempting to "protest" a local strip club, and are hoping to have it shut down. In various news articles, the students are quoted as saying that "The class as a whole feel we don’t need (strip clubs) in society, that we should have outgrown that by now" and that they are protesting the fact that strip clubs objectify women. Another phrase mentioned is that "these women (strippers) should have better careers". The most offensive and patently untrue quote HAS to be this one: "We don't believe it is [their choice], we believe it is a desperate attempt to get money or a lot of them have been forced into it." Kid, seriously? What on earth are you basing THAT load of crap on?
If Captain Save-a-Ho wants a young sidekick, a la Batman and Robin, these guys are most definitely up for the job.
To be fair, I don't blame the students. They are young, they are constantly bombarded with negative messages about the sex industry, they aren't old enough to have gained any real experience with it first hand. In fact, given the general apathy and laziness of teenagers (and, well, humanity) the concept of a class about social justice, and people actually attempting to be part of the political process is pretty great.
The problem is that they are going about it in entirely the wrong way, and for that, I blame the teacher. From all that I can read about the situation, it appears that the students came up with a concept (strip clubs are bad) and tried to justify that concept using only their assumptions and ingrained opinions (strip clubs are bad because we all think that strip clubs are bad). But at no point did they attempt to VERIFY their assumptions, or challenge their preconceived notions about the sex industry.
They did not contact the club to ask for a response, or even to ask questions about the working conditions, rules, payouts, average earnings, protection offered, contractual obligations or average career length of any dancer.
They did not contact any dancer, or any current sex worker to ask for an opinion - or if they did, they aren't talking about it.
They did not, apparently, look into any studies or reports about non-subsistence sex workers - for example, the recent studies that have shown that sex workers are, in general, happier than the average woman. Admittedly, this one is difficult, because there AREN'T many - most studies are about helping the street workers, the real down-and-outs, the trafficked women, the hard cases - not about chatting to women just going about their business.And for the record, very, very few strippers are subsistence sex workers.
If they DID do any research into their assumptions, they would have found out that there are at least some flaws there. If they have even attempted to validate the premise of their "protest", they are not talking about it.
The teacher of this class, therefore, needs a slap upside the head. If you are going to encourage children to take on a local issue, for the love of god, teach them how to do it right. Teach them to challenge their preconceptions, and do the research before starting petitions and attempting to shut down a legitimate business. Teach them to learn enough about the law and the political process to know that they cannot simply request that a business be destroyed because they don't like it - but that they need to come at it from a legal angle, and use their moral objection to back up their legal objection. That if you want something to change, you do not stamp your feet, you research precedent, find those cases where the judgement has been leaning toward your belief, and start to slowly shift the legal standard, case by case.
That "teacher" also needs to consider giving the kids a heads up about how to manipulate social media, the internet, and how to speak to the local media in a way that furthers your cause. Having done some searching, I can find on facebook a lot of response, quoted newsletters, the school page, and an open letter to the students. I cannot find a page dedicated to the protest, or the petition itself. The school's webpage makes no mention of it. A google search finds multiple news articles, NOT ONE OF WHICH actually links to the actual petition. In the entire first page of a google search for combinations of the words "paramount" "strip club" "dr charles best" "petition" "shut down" and "social justice" there is not one link to the actual petition. Ironically enough, there IS a link to a different petition, asking for the students to leave the strip club alone. In the pages and pages of news articles, no student is quoted as mentioning a study, statistic, research, or any form of quantifiable data whatsoever.
One of the students is quoted as saying that they want to "increase knowledge" and "raise awareness", two phrases so hypocritical that I just about spat my coffee all over the dildo army that lives on my desk. The concept of kids bandying about buzzwords like "awareness" when they are so phenomenally unaware of the ins and outs of the industry they are protesting is so ridiculous it is almost funny. Almost.
Of course, the plus side of this is that they are actually opening an unintended dialogue as sex workers and industry people lash out against this ridiculous, uninformed (and apparently unfindable) petition. The silver lining to their ill-conceived and under-researched campaign is that no politician has the power to change the law without cause, and no court in BC is about to repeal legislation allowing any strip club to exist for no better reason than 60 people don't like it.
The thing that really bothers me? The thing that would have me hopping mad if I were a parent or a student at that school? Apparently the teacher is encouraging students to get passionate about something, do no research, not challenge their own beliefs, go off riled up and create a half-assed protest which will inevitably do nothing, thus souring them on the political process and making them less likely to attempt to affect change in future.
Dr Charles Best: Teaching Incompetence, Narrow Mindedness, and Apathy.
At the time, I firmly believed that I was "the future" - part of a vanguard of sexually progressive and socially permissive teenagers who would eventually become the norm, and beat out (or maybe beat off..) the repressed and brainwashed masses. Ten years later, I'm pretty sure I was just horny, and couldn't figure out why that was such a terrible thing. To be honest, I'm STILL just horny, and I STILL can't figure out why that is such a terrible thing.
Apparently, I should ask the students of a high school in Coquitlam, BC. As part of a "social justice" class, a small group of teenagers are attempting to "protest" a local strip club, and are hoping to have it shut down. In various news articles, the students are quoted as saying that "The class as a whole feel we don’t need (strip clubs) in society, that we should have outgrown that by now" and that they are protesting the fact that strip clubs objectify women. Another phrase mentioned is that "these women (strippers) should have better careers". The most offensive and patently untrue quote HAS to be this one: "We don't believe it is [their choice], we believe it is a desperate attempt to get money or a lot of them have been forced into it." Kid, seriously? What on earth are you basing THAT load of crap on?
If Captain Save-a-Ho wants a young sidekick, a la Batman and Robin, these guys are most definitely up for the job.
To be fair, I don't blame the students. They are young, they are constantly bombarded with negative messages about the sex industry, they aren't old enough to have gained any real experience with it first hand. In fact, given the general apathy and laziness of teenagers (and, well, humanity) the concept of a class about social justice, and people actually attempting to be part of the political process is pretty great.
The problem is that they are going about it in entirely the wrong way, and for that, I blame the teacher. From all that I can read about the situation, it appears that the students came up with a concept (strip clubs are bad) and tried to justify that concept using only their assumptions and ingrained opinions (strip clubs are bad because we all think that strip clubs are bad). But at no point did they attempt to VERIFY their assumptions, or challenge their preconceived notions about the sex industry.
They did not contact the club to ask for a response, or even to ask questions about the working conditions, rules, payouts, average earnings, protection offered, contractual obligations or average career length of any dancer.
They did not contact any dancer, or any current sex worker to ask for an opinion - or if they did, they aren't talking about it.
They did not, apparently, look into any studies or reports about non-subsistence sex workers - for example, the recent studies that have shown that sex workers are, in general, happier than the average woman. Admittedly, this one is difficult, because there AREN'T many - most studies are about helping the street workers, the real down-and-outs, the trafficked women, the hard cases - not about chatting to women just going about their business.And for the record, very, very few strippers are subsistence sex workers.
If they DID do any research into their assumptions, they would have found out that there are at least some flaws there. If they have even attempted to validate the premise of their "protest", they are not talking about it.
The teacher of this class, therefore, needs a slap upside the head. If you are going to encourage children to take on a local issue, for the love of god, teach them how to do it right. Teach them to challenge their preconceptions, and do the research before starting petitions and attempting to shut down a legitimate business. Teach them to learn enough about the law and the political process to know that they cannot simply request that a business be destroyed because they don't like it - but that they need to come at it from a legal angle, and use their moral objection to back up their legal objection. That if you want something to change, you do not stamp your feet, you research precedent, find those cases where the judgement has been leaning toward your belief, and start to slowly shift the legal standard, case by case.
That "teacher" also needs to consider giving the kids a heads up about how to manipulate social media, the internet, and how to speak to the local media in a way that furthers your cause. Having done some searching, I can find on facebook a lot of response, quoted newsletters, the school page, and an open letter to the students. I cannot find a page dedicated to the protest, or the petition itself. The school's webpage makes no mention of it. A google search finds multiple news articles, NOT ONE OF WHICH actually links to the actual petition. In the entire first page of a google search for combinations of the words "paramount" "strip club" "dr charles best" "petition" "shut down" and "social justice" there is not one link to the actual petition. Ironically enough, there IS a link to a different petition, asking for the students to leave the strip club alone. In the pages and pages of news articles, no student is quoted as mentioning a study, statistic, research, or any form of quantifiable data whatsoever.
One of the students is quoted as saying that they want to "increase knowledge" and "raise awareness", two phrases so hypocritical that I just about spat my coffee all over the dildo army that lives on my desk. The concept of kids bandying about buzzwords like "awareness" when they are so phenomenally unaware of the ins and outs of the industry they are protesting is so ridiculous it is almost funny. Almost.
Of course, the plus side of this is that they are actually opening an unintended dialogue as sex workers and industry people lash out against this ridiculous, uninformed (and apparently unfindable) petition. The silver lining to their ill-conceived and under-researched campaign is that no politician has the power to change the law without cause, and no court in BC is about to repeal legislation allowing any strip club to exist for no better reason than 60 people don't like it.
The thing that really bothers me? The thing that would have me hopping mad if I were a parent or a student at that school? Apparently the teacher is encouraging students to get passionate about something, do no research, not challenge their own beliefs, go off riled up and create a half-assed protest which will inevitably do nothing, thus souring them on the political process and making them less likely to attempt to affect change in future.
Dr Charles Best: Teaching Incompetence, Narrow Mindedness, and Apathy.
Tuesday 15 January 2013
What do YOU want?
Today, I was wondering what to blog about, and trying to think of daily "themes" to create a little consistency to my ramblings.
As well as Monday Morning Rant, I want to create a "Bad Sex Positions" one day a week, maybe do some "Tuesday Tips" for general life advice, or "Thursday Thoughts" for the more thoughtful topics...maybe a question day, a photo day, a review day (books, movies, news articles, whatever)....
As I was thinking, I realized that the best people to ask would be YOU! Would you like me to have a theme day schedule like that, or would you be happier seeing how my crazy little brain works when I just spew out whatever comes up?
Would you like to see changes to the layout? More pictures? More of my real life?
After all, as much as I love writing it, there is very little point if you guys don't like READING it!
So let me know what you want to see more of, less of, and feel free to chime in with new ideas or thoughts.
Glory in the fact that I am actually ASKING for what you want...after all, I usually only like being told what to do when I am naked!
Comment below, e-mail at scarlettpenthouse@gmail.com, tweet to me @MooreScarlett, fb me at facebook.com/SeeMooreScarlett
As well as Monday Morning Rant, I want to create a "Bad Sex Positions" one day a week, maybe do some "Tuesday Tips" for general life advice, or "Thursday Thoughts" for the more thoughtful topics...maybe a question day, a photo day, a review day (books, movies, news articles, whatever)....
As I was thinking, I realized that the best people to ask would be YOU! Would you like me to have a theme day schedule like that, or would you be happier seeing how my crazy little brain works when I just spew out whatever comes up?
Would you like to see changes to the layout? More pictures? More of my real life?
After all, as much as I love writing it, there is very little point if you guys don't like READING it!
So let me know what you want to see more of, less of, and feel free to chime in with new ideas or thoughts.
Glory in the fact that I am actually ASKING for what you want...after all, I usually only like being told what to do when I am naked!
Comment below, e-mail at scarlettpenthouse@gmail.com, tweet to me @MooreScarlett, fb me at facebook.com/SeeMooreScarlett
Monday 14 January 2013
Monday Morning Rant: "Helpful" Advice
One of my New Year's resolutions was to be more positive, to focus on gratitude, to generally spend less time being a bitter and sarcastic person.
Fuck that. It's Monday morning, and although I may continue to focus my energies on happiness for the rest of the week, I know that it's not just Garfield who hates Mondays. The weekend is over, and you are back behind your desk, sipping overpriced coffee, smelling like the guy who was pressed up next to you on the subway, wondering when maintenance is ever going to fix that flickering light and dreading the inevitable weekly update meeting. It's just not fun, and I'm guessing that going all Pollyanna on you guys is NOT going to make you feel any better. While a rant probably won't have you skipping to the boardroom either, it may just make you smile, and offer a hint of solidarity that other people are bitter and pissed off too. We're all in this together. Group hug?
And the first of many rants is going to focus on a pet peeve of mine that I encountered this morning, while walking my dog. That doesn't really narrow it down, because there are any number of things that I encounter on my daily walks with her that drive me slightly batty - but this is something that can derail my best moods, that leaves me furious and has led me to swear at a total stranger on more than one occasion.
I am referring to those annoying strangers who like to give "helpful advice".
The people who will come up to you while you are doing something, anything, and tell you how you should be doing it.
The meathead at the gym who will tell you how to get a better workout.
The nosy rosie in the supermarket who will give you a product review on the stuff in your basket.
The customer at the pharmacy who will casually mention your skin condition/dandruff/short nails/acne and tell you what WILL make it go away.
Or this morning, the person who came up to me while I was working with my dog and told me how to train her.
EXCUSE ME?
There are so many things wrong with these people. There are so many layers of rudeness and entitlement all stacked up to make this the most appalling thing to do.
First off, unless your advice is something absolutely revolutionary, you are assuming that the person you are giving it to is stupid. Sounds harsh? Well, if you walk up to someone with dandruff and say "You know what will fix that right away? Head and Shoulders!", you have just assumed that the person you are talking to is incapable of doing any internet research into their condition, has never spoken to any other human about it, doesn't watch tv, and generally is too much of an idiot to have thought to try the number one, best known, leading brand in treating their issue. Essentially, no person of any intelligence is going to have a problem yet do absolutely nothing about it - pretty much everyone will identify the best, most commonly used, most commonly effective treatments, and then try them out. The only person who would not attempt to solve their problem using the most readily available and commonly effective solutions is, by definition, an idiot.
And I really don't like being told I am an idiot.
Secondly, you are making an assumption that what you perceive as a problem is something that I, also, perceive as a problem. That you and I have the same goals. Just because you think that a person should be slim, does NOT mean that it is acceptable to walk up to an overweight person and tell them how to shed those "extra" 50lbs. Perhaps that person sees no problem with being the size they are. Perhaps she is a BBW fetish model, and absolutely loves her shape. You can never assume that just because something is obviously a desirable outcome to YOU, everyone else in the world shares that opinion.
To put it another way, you are assuming that your way is the RIGHT way. And that is just offensive on the face of it.
Third, you are assuming that you know more than I do about whatever it is you are offering advice on. While that may end up being true, you have no way of knowing that. Lets assume that we can agree on two things; that there is no reason to give advice to someone who knows more about a given subject than you do, and that you can never know the expertise of a stranger. If those are both true, than by giving advice to a stranger, you are assuming that you know more than everyone else in the entire world on that subject.
Fourth, you are also assuming that your advice is so perfect that it does not matter that you have no idea what the situation is. That you do not know the extent of the problem, the severity, the cause, the solutions that have already been tried, or whether the problem is improving or worsening. The advice that you are giving may be something that the person cannot do, has already tried without success, or is something that is unnecessary because the problem is already improving. You are assuming that although no expert in the field would attempt to advise on a situation without finding out the background, you don't need to do that. Your advice is perfect, no matter what.
Lets not even get into my British mentality that finds the idea of just randomly striking up a conversation with a stranger on the street to be rude and invasive in and of itself.
Finally, one of the worst things about receiving advice like this is that if you do not either enter into an in-depth conversation with this person about your apparent "issue", or immediately follow their advice and burst into tears of gratitude, the advice-giver gets OFFENDED. No matter how politely you turn down their advice, no matter that all that you say is "No thank you" or "I'm fine, thank you". The nose turns up, the sneer comes on, the nasty little comment pops out. "Well I work with dogs, so I know what I am doing." "You don't have to be rude" "Jeez, I'm just trying to help because you clearly need it." This is where my manners agree to look the other way while I tell someone to fuck off.
Boil it down to the essence of what is being said, and your "helpful" advice sounds something like this:
"Hey you! Stop what you are doing and listen to me, even though you have no idea who I am. My way is right, I know everything, and you are too stupid to figure this one out on your own. Do this, and be grateful that I am willing to grace you with my unsolicited opinion."
Because rudely insulting someone just going about their business is helpful.
Fuck that. It's Monday morning, and although I may continue to focus my energies on happiness for the rest of the week, I know that it's not just Garfield who hates Mondays. The weekend is over, and you are back behind your desk, sipping overpriced coffee, smelling like the guy who was pressed up next to you on the subway, wondering when maintenance is ever going to fix that flickering light and dreading the inevitable weekly update meeting. It's just not fun, and I'm guessing that going all Pollyanna on you guys is NOT going to make you feel any better. While a rant probably won't have you skipping to the boardroom either, it may just make you smile, and offer a hint of solidarity that other people are bitter and pissed off too. We're all in this together. Group hug?
And the first of many rants is going to focus on a pet peeve of mine that I encountered this morning, while walking my dog. That doesn't really narrow it down, because there are any number of things that I encounter on my daily walks with her that drive me slightly batty - but this is something that can derail my best moods, that leaves me furious and has led me to swear at a total stranger on more than one occasion.
I am referring to those annoying strangers who like to give "helpful advice".
The people who will come up to you while you are doing something, anything, and tell you how you should be doing it.
The meathead at the gym who will tell you how to get a better workout.
The nosy rosie in the supermarket who will give you a product review on the stuff in your basket.
The customer at the pharmacy who will casually mention your skin condition/dandruff/short nails/acne and tell you what WILL make it go away.
Or this morning, the person who came up to me while I was working with my dog and told me how to train her.
EXCUSE ME?
There are so many things wrong with these people. There are so many layers of rudeness and entitlement all stacked up to make this the most appalling thing to do.
First off, unless your advice is something absolutely revolutionary, you are assuming that the person you are giving it to is stupid. Sounds harsh? Well, if you walk up to someone with dandruff and say "You know what will fix that right away? Head and Shoulders!", you have just assumed that the person you are talking to is incapable of doing any internet research into their condition, has never spoken to any other human about it, doesn't watch tv, and generally is too much of an idiot to have thought to try the number one, best known, leading brand in treating their issue. Essentially, no person of any intelligence is going to have a problem yet do absolutely nothing about it - pretty much everyone will identify the best, most commonly used, most commonly effective treatments, and then try them out. The only person who would not attempt to solve their problem using the most readily available and commonly effective solutions is, by definition, an idiot.
And I really don't like being told I am an idiot.
Secondly, you are making an assumption that what you perceive as a problem is something that I, also, perceive as a problem. That you and I have the same goals. Just because you think that a person should be slim, does NOT mean that it is acceptable to walk up to an overweight person and tell them how to shed those "extra" 50lbs. Perhaps that person sees no problem with being the size they are. Perhaps she is a BBW fetish model, and absolutely loves her shape. You can never assume that just because something is obviously a desirable outcome to YOU, everyone else in the world shares that opinion.
To put it another way, you are assuming that your way is the RIGHT way. And that is just offensive on the face of it.
Third, you are assuming that you know more than I do about whatever it is you are offering advice on. While that may end up being true, you have no way of knowing that. Lets assume that we can agree on two things; that there is no reason to give advice to someone who knows more about a given subject than you do, and that you can never know the expertise of a stranger. If those are both true, than by giving advice to a stranger, you are assuming that you know more than everyone else in the entire world on that subject.
Fourth, you are also assuming that your advice is so perfect that it does not matter that you have no idea what the situation is. That you do not know the extent of the problem, the severity, the cause, the solutions that have already been tried, or whether the problem is improving or worsening. The advice that you are giving may be something that the person cannot do, has already tried without success, or is something that is unnecessary because the problem is already improving. You are assuming that although no expert in the field would attempt to advise on a situation without finding out the background, you don't need to do that. Your advice is perfect, no matter what.
Lets not even get into my British mentality that finds the idea of just randomly striking up a conversation with a stranger on the street to be rude and invasive in and of itself.
Finally, one of the worst things about receiving advice like this is that if you do not either enter into an in-depth conversation with this person about your apparent "issue", or immediately follow their advice and burst into tears of gratitude, the advice-giver gets OFFENDED. No matter how politely you turn down their advice, no matter that all that you say is "No thank you" or "I'm fine, thank you". The nose turns up, the sneer comes on, the nasty little comment pops out. "Well I work with dogs, so I know what I am doing." "You don't have to be rude" "Jeez, I'm just trying to help because you clearly need it." This is where my manners agree to look the other way while I tell someone to fuck off.
Boil it down to the essence of what is being said, and your "helpful" advice sounds something like this:
"Hey you! Stop what you are doing and listen to me, even though you have no idea who I am. My way is right, I know everything, and you are too stupid to figure this one out on your own. Do this, and be grateful that I am willing to grace you with my unsolicited opinion."
Because rudely insulting someone just going about their business is helpful.
Sunday 13 January 2013
Bad Sex Positions: The Batman
Now how, you ask, could sex reminiscent of BATMAN be bad? For that matter, how could ANYTHING that reminds you of the awesomeness of the Batman be anything but awesome, just by association?
Don't get me wrong, I'm a Batman fan-girl myself - and I will never believe any woman who would claim to be willing to kick Mr Wayne out of bed. Can you imagine what his bedroom utility belt contains?
The name is actually a reference to the Joker as much as the Batman, and one very famous line.
Here is the thing. I know that it often comes across as though I have a big fat rulebook for sex. Things that should and shouldn't be done, said, worn, or repeated. Things that are ok, things that are amusing, things that are dealbreakers. I apologize profusely if I have given anyone the impression that getting into bed with me requires a reading list and a cram session (giggidy) beforehand. Or that "good" sex is some overly-complex, finely tuned performance. It really, really isn't.
Most of the things that I am writing about seem, well, obvious to me! They aren't rules you should have to learn, they should be second nature. For the most part, it is about UN-learning random "advice" picked up from men's or women's trashy magazines, or watching too much staged porn, or conferring with people who know less than you do about the subject. This one is no exception. In fact, this one is so obvious, so intuitive that I cannot believe that I have to say it.
Sex. Should. Be. Fun.
I know, I know. Shocking concept. Total gamechanger.
Unless you are on camera, sex is NOT a performance. You don't have to get everything right in one take. You don't have to get everything right, full stop. Sex is incredibly pleasurable (hopefully), feels amazing, is more fun than anything else. That is why, when we want to express how amazing something is, we say that it is "better than sex".
Sex is also kinda funny. Again, unless you are on camera, you probably don't have a perfect body. Even if you DO have a perfect body, there are times during sex where it looks....kinda weird. Or lumpy. Or (gasp) makes some kind of unintended NOISE. Or where attempts at doing something you saw somewhere cause something funny to happen. I have been fucked right off the edge of a bed before. I have lost a contact giving head in the shower, been walked in on, commented on, and accidentally scared half to death by an inquisitive dog nose to my foot in the throes of passion.
I don't know about you, but generally, if something is funny, or I am having fun (or both), a strange thing tends to happen. My face starts to crinkle into a new position known as a "smile". Sometimes, I make a noise commonly known as "laughter". Believe it or not, these are common responses to fun and humor.
So why is it that so many people are so damned straight-faced during sex? What rule is there that says that the bedroom is not a place to actually show your partner that you are enjoying yourself, but instead somewhere you have to either squeeze your eyes completely shut, or stare at the other person with such intensity that you may actually burn out their retinas with the power of your mind?
Yes, there are moments where both of those expressions are reasonable, involuntary, sexy as all hell. But there are also moments where smiling and laughing are appropriate, too. I always wonder, if caught under a Batman who is glowering away at the headboard - is he actually enjoying this? He just seems....angry. Or maybe completely focused. I wonder if he is thinking about baseball to try and prolong things, or thinking about that report he has due in the morning, or wondering about the future of Gotham City. I wonder if he is just focused on getting it over and done with. And I have REASON to wonder these things - if there is absolutely zero indication that your partner is enjoying themselves, it makes sense to wonder if they actually are.
Now, I'm not suggesting that anyone should cackle maniacally throughout sex, or even HAS to laugh at all. A forced smile may in fact be far creepier and more off-putting.
Don't ever. Ever. Do this.
But for god's sake, relax! Smile if it feels good. Laugh if it is funny. Save the intense stares for the intense moments. Let your facial expressions happen however they want, and just enjoy it! It's really not that huge a deal, people - you are having sex, not fighting the forces of evil.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a Batman fan-girl myself - and I will never believe any woman who would claim to be willing to kick Mr Wayne out of bed. Can you imagine what his bedroom utility belt contains?
The name is actually a reference to the Joker as much as the Batman, and one very famous line.
Here is the thing. I know that it often comes across as though I have a big fat rulebook for sex. Things that should and shouldn't be done, said, worn, or repeated. Things that are ok, things that are amusing, things that are dealbreakers. I apologize profusely if I have given anyone the impression that getting into bed with me requires a reading list and a cram session (giggidy) beforehand. Or that "good" sex is some overly-complex, finely tuned performance. It really, really isn't.
Most of the things that I am writing about seem, well, obvious to me! They aren't rules you should have to learn, they should be second nature. For the most part, it is about UN-learning random "advice" picked up from men's or women's trashy magazines, or watching too much staged porn, or conferring with people who know less than you do about the subject. This one is no exception. In fact, this one is so obvious, so intuitive that I cannot believe that I have to say it.
Sex. Should. Be. Fun.
I know, I know. Shocking concept. Total gamechanger.
Unless you are on camera, sex is NOT a performance. You don't have to get everything right in one take. You don't have to get everything right, full stop. Sex is incredibly pleasurable (hopefully), feels amazing, is more fun than anything else. That is why, when we want to express how amazing something is, we say that it is "better than sex".
Sex is also kinda funny. Again, unless you are on camera, you probably don't have a perfect body. Even if you DO have a perfect body, there are times during sex where it looks....kinda weird. Or lumpy. Or (gasp) makes some kind of unintended NOISE. Or where attempts at doing something you saw somewhere cause something funny to happen. I have been fucked right off the edge of a bed before. I have lost a contact giving head in the shower, been walked in on, commented on, and accidentally scared half to death by an inquisitive dog nose to my foot in the throes of passion.
I don't know about you, but generally, if something is funny, or I am having fun (or both), a strange thing tends to happen. My face starts to crinkle into a new position known as a "smile". Sometimes, I make a noise commonly known as "laughter". Believe it or not, these are common responses to fun and humor.
So why is it that so many people are so damned straight-faced during sex? What rule is there that says that the bedroom is not a place to actually show your partner that you are enjoying yourself, but instead somewhere you have to either squeeze your eyes completely shut, or stare at the other person with such intensity that you may actually burn out their retinas with the power of your mind?
Yes, there are moments where both of those expressions are reasonable, involuntary, sexy as all hell. But there are also moments where smiling and laughing are appropriate, too. I always wonder, if caught under a Batman who is glowering away at the headboard - is he actually enjoying this? He just seems....angry. Or maybe completely focused. I wonder if he is thinking about baseball to try and prolong things, or thinking about that report he has due in the morning, or wondering about the future of Gotham City. I wonder if he is just focused on getting it over and done with. And I have REASON to wonder these things - if there is absolutely zero indication that your partner is enjoying themselves, it makes sense to wonder if they actually are.
Now, I'm not suggesting that anyone should cackle maniacally throughout sex, or even HAS to laugh at all. A forced smile may in fact be far creepier and more off-putting.
Don't ever. Ever. Do this.
But for god's sake, relax! Smile if it feels good. Laugh if it is funny. Save the intense stares for the intense moments. Let your facial expressions happen however they want, and just enjoy it! It's really not that huge a deal, people - you are having sex, not fighting the forces of evil.
Wednesday 9 January 2013
2013 - Year of the Naked Nerd!
As a follow up to my New Year post about getting shit done, I thought you might like to get a little personal, and learn what, exactly, I intend to get done this year. So scooch in closer boys and girls, and I'll let you into the inner workings of my yearly goals.
Fair warning - there are a lot of them. Partly because the only way I know to aim is high. Partly because I have developed a bit of a shotgun approach to goal-setting, so that I always feel accomplished. Set ONE goal, and you either do it (yay!) or you fail (boo!). Set MULTIPLE goals, and you are bound to succeed at a few of them - especially if you follow my Get Shit Done rules. Then even if you fail at one or two, you can still look at a long list of completed goals and feel all smug. I do love smugness. Don't you?
The thing is, I thought that 2012 had been a really tough year for me...but then I realized that it really hasn't been "bad" - it's just been a bit..."nothing". I actually have a life that most people would kill for - I just have insanely high standards for myself, and if something isn't amazeballs all the time, I start wondering and feeling bad.
Two points to that - 1. I have SO MANY plans and goals for 2013, just because 2012 made me realize that just getting by, having a reasonable life, being "content"...is NOT enough for me. Time to get back to swimming around in AWESOME and remembering that "good enough isn't". 2. Brings me to the first goal, that is related to everything in my life, not just my camming.
So here they are, 13 goals for 2013, because 13 is my lucky number!:
1. Work on my GRATITUDE. Recently, my attitude has started to change - I have found myself focusing on the negative, losing faith in things, and losing sight of how incredibly amazing certain things in my life are, because I am focusing on the bad stuff. That is ending. NOW. back to gratitude and positivity.
2. Actually WORK. Just...at all. 2012, I let all kinds of stuff take over, and become excuses for not actually being on cam and working. Screw that - 2013, I will be working full time, and it will pay off...big time.
3. Stop being SUCH a hermit. In 2012, I think that I went out and was social with friends maybe once a month. Maaaybe. Probably closer to once every six weeks. My friends deserve better, and deserve more of my time. Social life, come back! I miss you!
4. Diversify. I basically make all my money from one site, and if it went down, or I got kicked off, I would be back at square one. I am already working on making more of a few others, and when my debts are paid and I can take a little earnings hit, I will be giving MFC (that giant beast of the camming industry!) another try.
5. Work on my brand. Mainly, build my damn website! (renewed my domain last week, and realized I owned it for a YEAR without doing a damn thing)...but also start to link my profiles, join more forums, MPP, social media, youtube...basically pimp out my name.
6. Work on my writing. Partially as part of the brand (my blog), partially as part of the diversifying (self-published erotica), and partially so that I can eventually have writing be my main source of income.
7. Get more involved in the world - read more freaking news, connect to the industry news, join forums, enter the blogosphere, take some classes.
8. The inevitable...lose those last 10lbs. Lost over 10lbs THIS year, so I know I can do it!
9. The other inevitable - deal with my damn finances.
10. Get a bunch of new tattoos - I can't believe I have added basically nothing new all year! Also think that this will be the year that I get my ears pointed.
11. Get back to travelling! I realized that I have barely left my city this whole year. Screw that! At least on big trip a quarter. And I am including in this that I either need to actually move to NYC by the end of the year, or at least have started talking with an immigration lawyer and have the process of getting my visa sorted underway.
12.Fix it, or Finish it! There are certain things that are always in the back of my mind, that constantly make my life just a tiny bit worse. Like the lighting in my cam room. The age of my computer system. The lack of a vacuum cleaner than leads to me sweeping my rugs. That friend who always flakes. That thing I've been intending to do. This year, as soon as I notice one of those annoying little things, it is time to either fix it, or get rid of it! Stop carrying them around - they may be tiny things individually, but it is like carrying a sack of maggots - a lot of small things add up to one big, unwieldy, disgusting burden.
13. Do some volunteering, give a little back, and hopefully start the process of qualifying my dog and I to do volunteer search and rescue.
This year is going to be AWESOME. (As are you, if you actually read this whole post!)
Fair warning - there are a lot of them. Partly because the only way I know to aim is high. Partly because I have developed a bit of a shotgun approach to goal-setting, so that I always feel accomplished. Set ONE goal, and you either do it (yay!) or you fail (boo!). Set MULTIPLE goals, and you are bound to succeed at a few of them - especially if you follow my Get Shit Done rules. Then even if you fail at one or two, you can still look at a long list of completed goals and feel all smug. I do love smugness. Don't you?
The thing is, I thought that 2012 had been a really tough year for me...but then I realized that it really hasn't been "bad" - it's just been a bit..."nothing". I actually have a life that most people would kill for - I just have insanely high standards for myself, and if something isn't amazeballs all the time, I start wondering and feeling bad.
Two points to that - 1. I have SO MANY plans and goals for 2013, just because 2012 made me realize that just getting by, having a reasonable life, being "content"...is NOT enough for me. Time to get back to swimming around in AWESOME and remembering that "good enough isn't". 2. Brings me to the first goal, that is related to everything in my life, not just my camming.
So here they are, 13 goals for 2013, because 13 is my lucky number!:
1. Work on my GRATITUDE. Recently, my attitude has started to change - I have found myself focusing on the negative, losing faith in things, and losing sight of how incredibly amazing certain things in my life are, because I am focusing on the bad stuff. That is ending. NOW. back to gratitude and positivity.
2. Actually WORK. Just...at all. 2012, I let all kinds of stuff take over, and become excuses for not actually being on cam and working. Screw that - 2013, I will be working full time, and it will pay off...big time.
3. Stop being SUCH a hermit. In 2012, I think that I went out and was social with friends maybe once a month. Maaaybe. Probably closer to once every six weeks. My friends deserve better, and deserve more of my time. Social life, come back! I miss you!
4. Diversify. I basically make all my money from one site, and if it went down, or I got kicked off, I would be back at square one. I am already working on making more of a few others, and when my debts are paid and I can take a little earnings hit, I will be giving MFC (that giant beast of the camming industry!) another try.
5. Work on my brand. Mainly, build my damn website! (renewed my domain last week, and realized I owned it for a YEAR without doing a damn thing)...but also start to link my profiles, join more forums, MPP, social media, youtube...basically pimp out my name.
6. Work on my writing. Partially as part of the brand (my blog), partially as part of the diversifying (self-published erotica), and partially so that I can eventually have writing be my main source of income.
7. Get more involved in the world - read more freaking news, connect to the industry news, join forums, enter the blogosphere, take some classes.
8. The inevitable...lose those last 10lbs. Lost over 10lbs THIS year, so I know I can do it!
9. The other inevitable - deal with my damn finances.
10. Get a bunch of new tattoos - I can't believe I have added basically nothing new all year! Also think that this will be the year that I get my ears pointed.
11. Get back to travelling! I realized that I have barely left my city this whole year. Screw that! At least on big trip a quarter. And I am including in this that I either need to actually move to NYC by the end of the year, or at least have started talking with an immigration lawyer and have the process of getting my visa sorted underway.
12.Fix it, or Finish it! There are certain things that are always in the back of my mind, that constantly make my life just a tiny bit worse. Like the lighting in my cam room. The age of my computer system. The lack of a vacuum cleaner than leads to me sweeping my rugs. That friend who always flakes. That thing I've been intending to do. This year, as soon as I notice one of those annoying little things, it is time to either fix it, or get rid of it! Stop carrying them around - they may be tiny things individually, but it is like carrying a sack of maggots - a lot of small things add up to one big, unwieldy, disgusting burden.
13. Do some volunteering, give a little back, and hopefully start the process of qualifying my dog and I to do volunteer search and rescue.
This year is going to be AWESOME. (As are you, if you actually read this whole post!)
Making the New Year Count - Lessons from the Sex Industry on Getting Shit Done
Ah, New Year.
Sometimes I feel like resolutions are the X-mas decorations of New Year. Something you put in a box, and dust off once a year for a few weeks, before putting them away again. The saddest part is, most people actually bring out the SAME resolutions year after year.
And like the tinsel, those shiny, hopeful resolutions start to get ratty and faded as the years go by.
So what can you do differently? How is it that you stop your resolutions being purely ornamental, and make them a little more functional?
Well, for one thing, SMART will get you at least part of the way. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely.) But no one needs yet another blogger talking about SMART goals, certainly not this one! After all, I'm not your average "inspirational" bear!
Nope, I'm a slutty internet slut, which has taught me a thing or two about making plans, and goals, and actually doing them. Not just writing them down, not just buying new outfits to run in and notebooks to write your spending diary in (self-defeating, much?), but actually DOING them. Because working online, and working for a company that truly couldn't care less if I ever logged in and did a shift with them again, means figuring out how to get stuff done.
Which brings us neatly to the first piece of advice.
1. ONLY BE ACCOUNTABLE TO YOURSELF.
Most goal-setters tell you to get a "work out buddy" or tell someone else your goals to make you feel ashamed if you don't achieve them (well, they may not intend the shame, but that is the result). The idea is that you have someone else to motivate you, to check on your progress....the reality is that you have a built in excuse network, all ready and waiting.
"My workout buddy is sick, so I didn't go to the gym. I can't work out without her."
"Oh I really shouldn't, but you are meant to be keeping me on track, and you said it's ok to buy the dress"
Fuck. That.
Your "buddy", your support network - they would prefer to see you succeed, but they will never care as much as you should. It is NOT them. They may jump up and down if you lose 10lbs, but it will never be them feeling fat when they get out of the shower.
So make yourself accountable to you. You have no excuse then. No one else can give you permission to break your diet (food or finances). No one else can de-rail you by not fitting your schedule. No one else can fall off the wagon and pull you with them.
If you want to share your success with people - great! Do it when you have already had the success. It is much sweeter to be able to say "I haven't smoked for a month!" than "I plan to quit smoking".
2. DO IT NOW
As in, right now. It always amazes me how many people don't do this - not just with resolutions, but with tiny things in their life. If you should do something, you should do it Right. Fucking. Now. At the very least, you should take a step toward it. Camgirls can turn procrastination into an art - and before you know it, it is 6pm, you have done no work, and well, you may as well just not work today anyway. You'll do it tomorrow.
NO. In fact, if you get into the habit of putting things off, you WON'T do it tomorrow. Habits are stronger than plans, every time.
If you are waiting for something - that something will NEVER COME. Just do it, or start it, right now. Make that first step. And make sure that it is a real step, not a fake "procrastination step". Going out to buy new workout gear does NOT bring you closer to losing weight. Going to the gym and joining it? That does. Not sure if it is a "procrastination step"? Ask yourself - is it possible to reach my goal without doing this? If the answer is "yes" it is a procrastination step. Doesn't mean that you can't go buy new workout clothes, it just means that you can't use that as what you did to bring your goal closer today. Unless you jogged to the store and did squats in the checkout line.
3. STOP PAYING ATTENTION TO THE NEGATIVE
Both camming and stripping hammered this one home to me! For some reason, even the men who have no idea when they are being lied to or manipulated have a finely honed sensor for desperation or negativity. It's a vicious circle. Start feeling a little frustrated, and it comes across. Customer does not want to pay for negative girl, and you cannot make money. Frustration rises. Frustration comes across more. Girl ends up throwing shoes in the changing room.
Essentially, negativity is more pervasive than you realize. Even if a dancer thinks that she is projecting Mary-Fucking-Sunshine, if her head isn't in the right place, those wily frat boys can tell. Same with you. You may think that just a little bitching about the difficulty of sticking to a budget won't hurt. It does. Every time you let yourself think that way, it shores up your pile of excuses, making it easier to break down and stop trying. It goes from - damn, I can't buy this now, because of that stupid budget - to - this budget is really hard to stick to - to - I've done well, after all, budgets are really hard to stick to all the time, I can splurge this once - to - aw, screw it.
Now try it the other way. Break the cycle.
Wow, before my budget, I would have bought this. Thank god I have it to remind me I shouldn't. - to - Look at that, I stuck to it! This isn't that hard! - to - Wow, look how much money I saved sticking to it! - to - omg, I did it!
4. FIX THE HOLE IN YOUR DAMN BUCKET
You know the old song, There's a Hole in my Bucket? (stuck in your head now, isn't it? HA!) I know too many women who make every problem into a hole in their bucket. It goes a little something like this: "I can't go online, because I need to scan my ID, and don't have a scanner. I can't get a scanner because I need money. I have no money because I can't work."
Good Lord, just stop it.
Whatever obstacle you think is in your way? It isn't. You made it up. And right now you are frantically arguing that in your head "no, I haven't made it up! I haven't made up my bank balance! I just can't afford it. I haven't made up my work day, I just don't have time. I haven't made up my addiction."
You may not have made up the thing that you are presenting as an obstacle. But you have made it an obstacle. You don't have the money to work out? IT'S FREE. Gyms, trainers, workout clothes - great. But you can do jumping jacks and sit ups naked in your living room.
You don't have the time? Then manage your time better. Get up earlier, go to bed later, cut out useless activities.
Whatever thing you think is a "reason" for not doing something - that is called an "excuse". Stop making excuses. Fix the hole in your bucket.
5. PRIORTIZE
Last, but definitely not least. You can do everything else, but if you do not have priorities, you won't get it done. One of my biggest financial mistakes as a dancer was not having priorities. I would spend money on more costumes, makeup, shoes, an stripping stuff. Then I would spend it on food and fripperies. After a few years of earning a LOT of money...I had none left over. I had terrible priorities.
Guess what? Working out comes BEFORE watching tv. Unless your resolution was to learn more, and you are watching a documentary. Get your shit done and then relax, don't relax to get "ready" for doing something! The only thing that you should relax in preparation for is sleep.
Have lots of resolutions? Work out the most important one, or the one that needs to happen before the others do. Say you want to quit smoking, get fit, and save money. How on earth are you going to save money and get fit if you are still smoking? Priorities.
Say you want to meditate every morning, and drink less every night. Well, if you are drinking every night, it'll make it a LOT harder to get up and meditate in the morning.
So there you go. Five ways to stop your New Years resolutions becoming a running joke. And if all that is just too much to deal with (because you are a small child, or possibly a koala bear) then all you really have to remember are the wise words of Yoda.
DO OR DO NOT. THERE IS NO TRY.
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