Monday Morning Rant: Queer

I understand why Monty Python is funny.

I have never once tried to say something in an English accent and laughed.

I know that there is no crisis that should not be met with a cup of tea.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm British.

Now, I am a weird hybrid of British, seeing as my lineage covers England, Wales, Ireland and Scotland, yet my parents (and I, according to the government) are also Canadian. But the Empire is still in my blood, and having spent my formative (i.e., drunken adolescence and early twenties) in London, I am definitely a British lass.

 Which brings me to this week's Monday morning rant about the word "queer". Because in the UK, "queer" is now a word with two regularly used meanings.
1. The original meaning - something off, wrong, not quite right, weird...
2. The annoying North-American meaning - bi-sexual.

See, I'm bisexual. Or pan-sexual. Or any other possible version of a sexuality that conveys the message that I am attracted to personalities rather than the shape of an individual's genitalia. I will happily have sex, flings, relationships, whatevers....with people who are male, female, trans, or any other part of the spectrum, as long as they are funny. And nice. And hot. Really, if it's just sex, I only care about the hot part. Hey, I'm honest.

What I am NOT, is "queer". I cannot understand how on earth that is not offensive.

Maybe it is because my first introduction to the word was not through "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy", and that I understand that "Queer as Folk" is actually a common phrase, not just the name of a tv show about gay people.

Maybe it is because I have been called "queer" before anyone knew I was anything but the straightest of straight, and it was an INSULT.

Seriously kids. This isn't like the n-word, which was an insult to black people, and was then re-claimed by black people. Queer was never originally an insult to gay people. It was, and still IS, an insult to anything slightly outside the norm. You are not re-claiming the name for your minority in a positive way - you are actively adopting a negative term for something else, in order to describe your minority. And that is just freaking dumb.

Re-claim fag. Go nuts with faggots (giggidy) because I can't think of anyone who has used that word to actually talk about building a fire in the past fifty years. Go crazy with homo, find any other word you want and emblazon it all over your local soho.

But for the love of god, leave "queer" alone. Queer is an awesome word. Queer is a word for which there is no synonym to accurately compare. Some things are just a little queer...and I would be sad for the sake of the english language if we lost that word to yet another nuance of human sexuality.

Queer is also a negative word. Queer means weird. Wrong. Not-quite right. A little off. Strange. Odd.

And I may be all those things, but I am NOT a slave to annoying pop-culture distortions of the language of the empire. So if you call me queer, don't be surprised when I kick you in the <insert genitals here>.

Of course, for anyone confused by that last statement, if you use the word "queer", I never want you to insert your genitals anywhere. Maybe a meat grinder.

The Internet Has Funny Stuff

Once upon a time, I knew a very sensitive little soul who was less than thrilled when I decided that I would rather not keep having the sex with him. This was at least partially to do with the presence of a particularly gorgeous South African surfer....but also at least partially to do with the generally moody, sensitive, acoustic musician ridiculousness. I shouldn't have been surprised, therefore, when the cessation of our naked playtimes inspired him to write me a poem. On my wall. In BIG letters.

"Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're a fucking whore."

Succinct, right?

Maybe it is because of that, but I LOVE the various versions of "roses are red". Here are a few of my favorites:

















That one also works for wine. Mmmmm. Wine.

Monday Morning Rant: What an Easy Job You Have

Whenever I try to explain my job to someone who isn't in the industry, I get the same reaction.

Every. Single. Person. Makes some comment about how lucky I am to have such as "easy" job. How they wish that they could just lie on their back all day, and never get out of bed early, and how masturbating all day is just the easiest thing ever.

Then they act all confused when I punch them.

There is a prevailing assumption that any form of sex work is easy money. That all you have to do is whip out your lady parts and watch as a river of gold comes flooding in. I wish.

All you have to do to realize how wrong that assumption is, is talk to one of the thousands and thousands of women who try to work in the industry, fail, and leave. All of the girls who try to strip, and quit after a couple weeks when they are averaging $60 a night. All of the girls who sign up to a camsite, tank, and leave with only an extra couple hundred bucks for plastering their pussy all over the internet. All of the girls who trip happily down to LA, only to film one scene and swear "never again" when they realize how much work goes into it. There may be ten thousand women working and earning and making a living off a camsite, but for every one of those, there are hundreds who didn't make it.

Believe it or not, but the sex industry (and especially the camming industry) has a lot in common with all those other industries where you are working for yourself, just with clothes on. There is just as much background work, research, planning, admin....and it takes just as long to build up a business.

As I write this, I have been up since 7:30am. Although I may not actually even get on cam today, I will still spend hours "working". I'll spend time blogging, returning messages, filming clips, editing clips, uploading clips. I may well take some photos. I will probably spend time doing online promotion. I will definitely spend time online networking, and researching (that can be researching fetishes, other models, industry news, legal loopholes, or this time of year, the dreaded taxes). I will spend some time updating my earnings reports, confirming new sign ups, and filling in paperwork for payment processors. I will spend time working on building my website, and improving my pages on camgirl directories. I will bust my ass at the gym, because my body is actually my meal ticket, and I can't let it get unhealthy - seeing as there is no sick-leave when you work for yourself. All that before I actually get to the fucking.

It may be that I work so hard on the background stuff because I am still building my brand. I am still creating a situation where the money is just coming thick and fast (giggidy). But even those women that I know who are making obscene amounts of money are working long days and longer nights - they aren't slackers.

Do I love my job? Yes.
Does my job have some serious perks - like the ability to work without pants, drink on the job, and pick my own hours? Absolutely. In fact, these are some of the reasons that I do it. I don't want anyone to think that I think that my job sucks. Because it really doesn't. My job is awesome, and I wouldn't change it for the world. My job involves orgasms and silliness and very few moments where I have to feel like a grown up. My job is incredible, phenomenal, indescribably awesome as a career path.

But it is still my JOB, and that means that even if I enjoy the work I do, I am still working.

Therefore, may I ask, that should you ever meet a sexworker, and feel tempted to comment on how easy her job is because she just spends her workday on her back....think about how insulting it would be if she replied how jealous she was of YOUR easy job.

After all, Mr Office-Worker-Type, you only have to work at work...and even there, you just spend all day on your ass.