One of my New Year's resolutions was to be more positive, to focus on gratitude, to generally spend less time being a bitter and sarcastic person.
Fuck that. It's Monday morning, and although I may continue to focus my energies on happiness for the rest of the week, I know that it's not just Garfield who hates Mondays. The weekend is over, and you are back behind your desk, sipping overpriced coffee, smelling like the guy who was pressed up next to you on the subway, wondering when maintenance is ever going to fix that flickering light and dreading the inevitable weekly update meeting. It's just not fun, and I'm guessing that going all Pollyanna on you guys is NOT going to make you feel any better. While a rant probably won't have you skipping to the boardroom either, it may just make you smile, and offer a hint of solidarity that other people are bitter and pissed off too. We're all in this together. Group hug?
And the first of many rants is going to focus on a pet peeve of mine that I encountered this morning, while walking my dog. That doesn't really narrow it down, because there are any number of things that I encounter on my daily walks with her that drive me slightly batty - but this is something that can derail my best moods, that leaves me furious and has led me to swear at a total stranger on more than one occasion.
I am referring to those annoying strangers who like to give "helpful advice".
The people who will come up to you while you are doing something, anything, and tell you how you should be doing it.
The meathead at the gym who will tell you how to get a better workout.
The nosy rosie in the supermarket who will give you a product review on the stuff in your basket.
The customer at the pharmacy who will casually mention your skin condition/dandruff/short nails/acne and tell you what WILL make it go away.
Or this morning, the person who came up to me while I was working with my dog and told me how to train her.
EXCUSE ME?
There are so many things wrong with these people. There are so many layers of rudeness and entitlement all stacked up to make this the most appalling thing to do.
First off, unless your advice is something absolutely revolutionary, you are assuming that the person you are giving it to is stupid. Sounds harsh? Well, if you walk up to someone with dandruff and say "You know what will fix that right away? Head and Shoulders!", you have just assumed that the person you are talking to is incapable of doing any internet research into their condition, has never spoken to any other human about it, doesn't watch tv, and generally is too much of an idiot to have thought to try the number one, best known, leading brand in treating their issue. Essentially, no person of any intelligence is going to have a problem yet do absolutely nothing about it - pretty much everyone will identify the best, most commonly used, most commonly effective treatments, and then try them out. The only person who would not attempt to solve their problem using the most readily available and commonly effective solutions is, by definition, an idiot.
And I really don't like being told I am an idiot.
Secondly, you are making an assumption that what you perceive as a problem is something that I, also, perceive as a problem. That you and I have the same goals. Just because you think that a person should be slim, does NOT mean that it is acceptable to walk up to an overweight person and tell them how to shed those "extra" 50lbs. Perhaps that person sees no problem with being the size they are. Perhaps she is a BBW fetish model, and absolutely loves her shape. You can never assume that just because something is obviously a desirable outcome to YOU, everyone else in the world shares that opinion.
To put it another way, you are assuming that your way is the RIGHT way. And that is just offensive on the face of it.
Third, you are assuming that you know more than I do about whatever it is you are offering advice on. While that may end up being true, you have no way of knowing that. Lets assume that we can agree on two things; that there is no reason to give advice to someone who knows more about a given subject than you do, and that you can never know the expertise of a stranger. If those are both true, than by giving advice to a stranger, you are assuming that you know more than everyone else in the entire world on that subject.
Fourth, you are also assuming that your advice is so perfect that it does not matter that you have no idea what the situation is. That you do not know the extent of the problem, the severity, the cause, the solutions that have already been tried, or whether the problem is improving or worsening. The advice that you are giving may be something that the person cannot do, has already tried without success, or is something that is unnecessary because the problem is already improving. You are assuming that although no expert in the field would attempt to advise on a situation without finding out the background, you don't need to do that. Your advice is perfect, no matter what.
Lets not even get into my British mentality that finds the idea of just randomly striking up a conversation with a stranger on the street to be rude and invasive in and of itself.
Finally, one of the worst things about receiving advice like this is that if you do not either enter into an in-depth conversation with this person about your apparent "issue", or immediately follow their advice and burst into tears of gratitude, the advice-giver gets OFFENDED. No matter how politely you turn down their advice, no matter that all that you say is "No thank you" or "I'm fine, thank you". The nose turns up, the sneer comes on, the nasty little comment pops out. "Well I work with dogs, so I know what I am doing." "You don't have to be rude" "Jeez, I'm just trying to help because you clearly need it." This is where my manners agree to look the other way while I tell someone to fuck off.
Boil it down to the essence of what is being said, and your "helpful" advice sounds something like this:
"Hey you! Stop what you are doing and listen to me, even though you have no idea who I am. My way is right, I know everything, and you are too stupid to figure this one out on your own. Do this, and be grateful that I am willing to grace you with my unsolicited opinion."
Because rudely insulting someone just going about their business is helpful.
No comments:
Post a Comment