Bashful: "What are wicked wiles?"
Grumpy: "I don't know...but I'm against them!!"
Now that I am intending to post something on a regular basis, I have all kinds of ideas for stuff I'd like to write about. Reviews of books (writing something for 50 Shades of Godawful Writing right now!), your questions answered, all sorts of stuff that will (hopefully!) make interesting reading.
So tonight, I want to start a new series of posts on princesses!! For some reason, I have always had a bit of an obsession with Disney princesses, and what is a blog if not a place to air your obsessions under the delusion that people care? Shallow, I know, but hey! I'm a whore, remember? Who needs depth, when you have dildos....
A warning, though, to anyone assuming that I intend to trot out the same boring old line about how Disney princesses are terrible role models & isn't it cynical and funny....sleeping with seven men, talking to strangers in the woods, bursting into song, etc etc. It may be very ironic and droll, but it's just not me. I'm essentially sincere in my adoration for the Princesses - there is no campy irony in my Ariel tattoo, I just really love the story.
On top of that, I tend to think that the "slutty princess" videos/memes usually represent a very stupid, overly-literal interpretation of the movies. The princesses may have been a little man-crazy, but there's nothing wrong with that! And on top of that, they are some of the most kick-ass portrayals of women out there, especially for their respective times.....In a world where women are constantly trying to be "superwoman", these girls did it without blinking, and usually while battling some ridiculously powerful evil. Geez, what terrible role models!
To start, let's take that very first princess: Snow White.
Funnily enough, I never actually liked Snow White as a kid - not for any deep or meaningful reason, but because she had short hair! (There I go, being all shallow again...) She is the only princess that I never thought was very pretty...and given that the point of her story is her incredible beauty, that was a problem.
But disappointing hair aside, Snow was a wonderful role model for women during the depression, and a lot of that carries through to today. In a time where everyone was feeling hardship and dealing with poverty (much like now), Snow was forced to dress in rags and work as a servant....but, like pretty much every princess, she doesn't bitch, whine, or complain about it. Snow just gets shit done.
When she is attacked and told to run away or she will be killed, she recovers incredibly quickly. Have a little cry, then dust yourself off, and get moving. In fact, throughout the film, she basically sees what needs to be done, and does it. She's also surprisingly upbeat about her lost love - she only mentions him once, after prodding, and even then, it's with a sort of wistful happiness - she spends the rest of her time singing, dancing, and getting on with things instead of moping about.
If Snow was a typical teenager of 2012, you can bet your ass she wouldn't be nearly as impressive.
First off, she'd rant and rave about suing the queen, but never actually go to a lawyer, because orphans on the run don't really have a lot of money. But you can bet your ass that she would talk about it a lot!!
She'd feel entitled to shelter with the dwarves for nothing, because after all, she's a famous princess! They should be honored to have her...don't they know who she IS? She'll sign an autograph, maybe, but that's IT.
Even if the dwarves asked her to keep house in return for staying, she probably wouldn't know how. Cooking from scratch? Cleaning? Sewing and mending? HA! It'd be take out pizza and running a swiffer wetjet over the floor once or twice.
If she has a bit of a feminist bent, she'd be greatly offended by the suggestion that she should clean while they went to do physical work - she is just as good as a man! She deserves a job! She will go work in the mines too! Never mind that they don't need anyone there, but do need someone in the house. Never mind that it is a skilled occupation and she doesn't have the knowledge. Never mind that it is dangerous, and she may well be putting other people at risk.
And no matter what, she would be spending the time feeling sorry for herself, wondering why this had to happen to HER. Facebook would be full of cryptic statuses aimed at garnering sympathy, and she would use twitter to bitch about being bored, so far from the city and the castle.
She'd also be pining miserably about her prince, gorging on red wine and chunky monkey ice cream, and generally wandering about with a face like a slapped arse.
She'd probably end up kicked out by the dwarves, left by the prince (who wants to be with a miserable bitch?) and killed by the queen....and it would serve the little brat right!
Moral of the story?
If you want to impress a man, it's not the cooking and cleaning that matters. It's managing to be capable and strong. These days just knowing how to cook and clean would make you pretty helpless - capable means that you can handle moving house, paying your bills, holding your liquor and changing a tire. Being someone easy to fall in love with means being someone who is strong, who stays positive even when your life seems to have gone tits up. Oh yes, and men like good food.
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